To Rest or Not to Rest...Isn't that THE Question????

Today I'm working on a Plog...an audio journal I'll turn into a podcast of my day doing "Nothing" at home with the kids.  It's been a really productive day in some areas I've needed to get to...so that feels really good.

A lady I know is hosting a Facebook group for blessing the human body.  The blessing for the exhorter day of creation is one I thought would land well and be easiest to receive...yet so far I'm hitting wall after wall.  I admitted this to her, even though I felt VERY dumb...and come to find out WOW did she have some awesome ideas for me.

I have never felt okay resting.  Sure, I can sit down a lot and I can stop working...but to actually disengage my mind and body?  TORTURE.

She mentioned my vagus nerve and something else I don't remember from advanced biology class.  I went to Dr. Axe's site to see what he had to say.  I decided to drink some Singing Canary which I just paid Ruth a buck to make for me.  

I really need a NAP.

But really, even though today I am initiating the first ever two hour leave-mom-alone time frame, I realize I am afraid of those two hours.  They're nearly upon me and I'm stalling...writing you...and hoping I don't die a thousand deaths in that "me" time.

Sure, I need to spend time with Jesus.  My prayer closet gets plenty of me time...but there's something insidious I just realized....something that's lurking that's been there and then reinforced a long time.

I'll expand more on it later...for now I'll just say in my life growing up I was NOT permitted to rest.  I was allowed to waste decades of my life doing nothing of worth or value, but REST was not okay.  I was always "ON" knowing at any moment I might be needed or hollered at for something.   THAT WAS A CONSTANT, stressful struggle.

Fast forward to nearly 16 years ago when I brought my first child into the world.  I no longer EVER felt I had one single second to myself.  The stories are so numerous and I think my nervous system (or someplace) is holding onto the idea that I still have to be "on" always.

So today is the first day of working to shut that off/down.  I think I will take a nap.  The kids all know if there's a dire emergency they can knock...otherwise LEAVE ME BE.  They've got movies ready from the weekend that they didn't get to watch cuz they were lazy with their chores.  No running outside; doors locked; quietness prevailing.

We'll see how it goes.  Can I let my hair down?  Well, I chopped it off cuz I just dunno how to do that.  Let's see what happens.

I can rest.  I CAN REST.  I can rest...

What's rest like for you???