Dis-regulation happens when we do not know how to act like ourselves when big feelings occur. When upsetting emotions, oftentimes more than one, seem to take over we can feel overwhelmed. In that mental/emotional state, solving problems is impossible.
There can be one emotion, or a combination of them. This overwhelming feeling can cause us to loose our sense of emotional peace, which is our built-in, neutral emotion which we are meant to be in most of the time.
You are fearfully and wonderfully made, and regulating your feelings is an intricate and amazing set of systems, similar to our excretive system. Just like we need to eliminate wastes from our bodies so we need to learn the skills of “feelings training” like we learned “potty training.”
The feelings do not need to be eliminated, but they do need attention. As we learn to recognize the feeling when our bodies need to urinate or defecate, so we can learn HOW TO process the emotions which come up. They are necessary sensations in an emotionally healthy life.
REPRESSING those feelings, or ignoring, shaming (etc) them creates similar problems we face if we are not allowing the “elimination” sensations to alert us that we need to take action.
1) Name the feeling.
This can take time, and the Holy Spirit can help your innards attune to what it is, where you feel it in your body, and what it's called.
For example: Anger, Disgust, Fear, Normal Embarrassment (the healthy kind, not the toxic sort), Hopeless Despair, Sadness...
2) Give it (them) to Jesus. Emotions we have not learned to regulate can be burdens too much for us to bear. Giving them to Jesus helps!
“Jesus, I give You (name each emotion), and I ask You to take them (bear them!), because they are too much for me.”
3) Ask the Holy Spirit for healing.
Holy Spirit, I ask You to heal all the heart, spirit, soul, body, time, land, birthright, office, and community wounds associated with those feelings.
4) Thank the Father, and receive.
“THANK YOU Father, for Your healing. I receive it. I ask also for the opposite emotion (s), and for complete wholeness.”
If peace eludes you, consider revisiting the 4 steps. New feelings may emerge, or the same ones. Feel free to repeat as necessary. ** If these steps do not seem to work, there are other techniques you can try, until you find what works.
We were designed to be able to feel our six right-brained emotions and get back to peace within 90 seconds by the time we are four years old. This first requires a specific development of knowing we are loved. Having someone attune to us in our toddler years, and work with us is how we can do this. It's part of why the toddler years are so intense.
A toddler whose parents have been a safe place during the phases when these big emotional processes occur will look to and trust them when they have the next developmental emotional surge around age 13. Feeling safe to be ourselves around our parents is part of the designed wonders of life in family.
If the first level of development has happened, these skills can be learned anytime in life, similar to tying one's own shoes. It takes time, and concentrated effort.
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Exuberant for Life exists to disseminate concepts so individuals and families can work on remedial emotional skills, as well as to encourage parents with young children realize the steps needed to help. This particular technique is very helpful for emotions which come up in the moment for adults who are learning to feel their own feelings.
To process PTSD emotions, there is another technique we have learned which we will share as soon as time permits.
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