The Gentle Gardner

The concept for this poem came one day in 2014 as I rode west in the suburban back toward Lake Ann.  I was just at the beginning of a deep healing process.  I had no idea what life would be like 3 years later.  

Mrs F and Me

Mrs F. and I spend a lot of time together gabbing about real, wild life.  We've got some ideas we're working on, too.

First, we have an idea for a story...a way to incorporate my experience with AHS into an interesting tale of two women.  We have a basic idea of how we'll go about it.  We will each develop a heroine and interweave their stories in a clever way.  Last week I was thrilled when she brought me the beginning of her portion and introduced me to her character, Manda.  I felt so drawn in as I read aloud her paragraphs as daughter listened.  Would you like to meet Manda, too?   Mrs F. gave me permission to share.  Check it out here.

We have also decided to begin recording podcasts as we gab about real, wild life as women.  We are very excited to share with you what we come up with.  

I have finally purchased the equipment in order to be able to record personal conversations as well as phone chats.   The recorder works great and we hope to try out the phone device this week or next.

A photo shoot is in on our schedule as well, so we can get the podcast album cover designed so it's ready for our nattering musings.  :)

We have recorded several audio blurbs which now need to go through the importing, editing, export and publication process.  

Yesterday we spent a good while discussing being wives and our struggles to stop being controlling and emasculating our very wonderful men.  *sigh*    I am grateful to be able to record these honest chats which we think are probably pretty needed within God's family.  

Another exciting development is Mrs F's embracing of her many artistic gifts! She has an idea for creating dresses based on flowers!!!  She has incredible knowledge of them as well as herbs and how to use them for medicinal health purposes.  I hope she'll let me build a website for her so she can share her wealth of knowledge with others.  

In the mean time, when she showed me her photo of her Comfrey flower and how it looks like a summer dress, I was thrilled.  I could see it!!!  I showed our two older children and they saw it right away too.  Even hubby encouraged me to prod her to get a dress made.

She has sketched the idea and shared it with me yesterday.  

I think it will make a great DYT Type 1 dress as it is; with a few adjustments so it will move a bit differently I think it will work great for Type 3 women like me!  

What do YOU think???

Getaway

This past weekend our family of eight spent a wonderful time in a beautiful home with 2 very awesome, loving people.  The getaway was great for lots of reasons, one being I was recovering from a tooth infection.  Too, being on that land which is so rich physically as well as spiritually allowed me to feel and deal with some stuff I have long avoided.  

As I felt my way through the emotional mire, hubby and I had a chance to tuck away for a couple of really nice chats.  While he took breaks from the extroverted interaction, he read.  Among other things, I admire his tenacity to get to the root of these inner problems we both face so we can adjust and get ourselves (and our children) to a good place.   Spirit, mind and body has been our focus over the past decade as we seek to learn true principles and apply them to our lives.  Now the emotions take front stage.

I’m so glad for people like our weekend hosts who expressed God’s love even though we lack in some pretty big ways.  It was so refreshing to receive grace I didn’t have to work for.  I also loved seeing my children feel free to enjoy themselves even though they aren’t perfect.   

I admit the emotional stuff has been really hard for me to grasp as there are so many factors involved.  Learning what happened (in childhood) which harmed and also what didn’t occur but which needed to has been nearly a decade-long discovery process.  Some days we’re worn out; tired from carrying all the responsibilities of adult life when we feel more than a tiny bit ill-equipped.  

I relish reminders from the One who leads us.  He whispers: He is proud and pleased; not worried about what we lack; has wrapped Himself around and within us and holds us together as a family, caring for each of us and all of us simultaneously.

The time away with blessed people spoke deeply to me as I received that amazing grace, which I needed badly!  

Sometimes hubby and I feel upset when we realize we both lack information for important things.  ”My folder is empty on that subject,” we often express to each other in frustration.  Even worse is when the folder is altogether missing!!   It is embarrassing and awkward as we look around wondering what other vital information we’re missing.  

Last evening we returned from visiting our friends three hours away, unloaded the Suburban and got the children to bed.  During our late, quiet supper he mentioned he wanted to sit down together and look at the book.  I did not realize he meant right away and promptly ignored his suggestion which soon after created a huge rift.   

For the last 18 years of marriage we’ve never known how to handle this particular type of upset.   Now having gained a bit of skill, we waded clumsily through the frigid, turbulent waters and managed to re-connect emotionally and stay relational.  

WHAT A VICTORY!!  

After all these years of tucking ourselves away, stripped naked before the LORD and letting Him heal, teach and lead us, we could admit our flaws and weaknesses to each other.  

The raw vulnerability felt outrageous and yet right.  Things used to escalate into days of not speaking.  

Though we don't always have the words now, at least we can muddle through!

After we established we both wanted to work through the trouble rather than stay at odds, he asked me the most astonishing thing.  I’m embarrassed to write it!   “Are you a snob?”  

“What?????”   I said as I wrenched my face into a puzzled look while silently pondering.  Then I admitted, “I sure can be.” He looked at me with sadness in his face and said, “You don’t like yourself.” 

I began to weep.  “How do you know that? I whispered weakly through blubbering sobs.  “Is it from that book you’re reading?”  

I marveled at how he can know so much after so long of not knowing anything about what goes on in the emotionally immature.

I spent last night contemplating the concept of not liking myself and awoke to finally begin reading it.  I am now stumbling onto some really helpful things as a result.  It’s still a deplorable idea that some of us don’t like ourselves and I will be taking things real slow as I ingest and process this new info; I bet it’s why my friend Arthur keeps telling me to stop trying to get my legitimacy from him.  DUH!!!  I didn’t know I was doing it or how to stop! 

Embarrassing!!!! 

Hubby began last 'eve to explain to me why it happens. I was worn out from the kerfuffle and fell asleep without really getting a clear understanding.  Maybe someday I'll catch up to him.  He has already listened to the book at least four times since getting it on audible last month.  

As he has shares tidbits during quiet moments when we can steal away time to sit on the sunny deck which bursts with colorful summer flowers in bloom, I am stunned by how much his input gives me insight and hope as to why I struggle deeply in certain areas.  When I listen to my husband's heart I get understanding and hope swells for all of us out here who flounder feeling alone. I renew faith that God has good news and answers for the emotional orphans of this world.

Side note:  After a month of working on developing the skills she talks about here, I am convinced I will get to adult maturity some day.  :)  I really like her print-offs as well as the 16 pages of emotional word definitions.

Taking care of our own emotions is one of the keys to loving God well with all our heart, soul, mind and strength. It’s not a pretty process.  It takes a lot of grit to keep looking at the sad truth.  It would be easier to just get on with stuff, getting back into the swing of things as we approach a new week after an amazing weekend of being loved on.  

I think I am coming unravelled along the road less traveled.  I have a hunch eventually it will make all the difference.

You can listen to an audio sample and order the book here:

Please click here to read my official affiliate disclosure.

Kate's Picks: Dress Your Truth Type 3 Summer Fashion for XL+

In this series, I share my journey to walk as God's woman on the earth.

In order to dress in a way that expresses who I am, I learned a lot from one woman in particular.

Her free online course helped me beyond what I had ever hoped: to accept the specifics of my unique femininity. I am happy to report since going through her course I am beginning to celebrate being a curvy woman!  It feels nice to be free from the fear of being seen (among so many other things!) You can take a peek and sign up for her free online course by clicking here.

Also, as an ambivert mother of many with lots of forceful energy, I often dread shopping in public.   While having a blast shopping online for myself this week,  I decided to share with you some of the neat summer styles I found and hope you will like them, too.

Click any image below, select your size and color (where applicable) and have it shipped right to your door.

See my official affiliate disclosure here.

Check out my favorite summer footwear HERE!

To complete the Type 3 summer look:

For super summer slumber:

I would love to hear what you think! Share your comments and let me know what YOU like!

~Kate M.

Expressing Our Design Through Clothing

What to wear?

Being a daughter of the Most High, I often ponder the issue of beauty.  I like thinking about how men are the glory of God and women are the glory of men.

How to express that through dressing myself has been something I have pondered many decades.  It has been an extraordinary struggle for me to stretch my thinking beyond believing I was stupid, fat and ugly.  It's been a process I have wrestled with nearly all my life.

Learning more about the way God designed us has been really fun, as there are so many great tools out there these days to help us figure things out.  For example, I discovered I am an artist.  I love to see things all around me which show off the intricate and detailed, color-loving God who knit me in His image.  It is becoming a joy to understand how to celebrate this extravagance in the simple and humble work of being clothed.

I hope to soon begin to release a series of posts on fashion and beauty in order to build up and equip God's people.  Stay tuned.  :)