Accepting Things

As I ponder the changes which happen in various seasons of life, I feel like sharing with you a little bit about what is happening on my end.

As you might know, it has been nearly three years since my Mom was arrested and sent for psychiatric evaluation against her will.  The results of that have been significant for me for a myriad of reasons.

Having "proof" that I was reared by a mentally ill, emotionally volatile, impoverished single woman has been enormously helpful.  I guess it feels a bit like vindication, as I have been speaking out about it since I was about five years old (literally!).  

Having been raised in an environment where oodles of my needs did not get met and having been exposed to a whole lot of things which were not helpful (and many which were deeply hurtful), it has taken me all my life to feel like I have my feet underneath me properly.  I have had to learn dozens of skills of caring for self which most people, thankfully, take for granted and learn in their early years.

I was not deceived; I knew things were NOT going as they ought to have.  My sense of God's ways and justice were on high alert, helping me to always know that what I was experiencing was NOT right and not God's intention for me.  Principles were being violated all over the place.  My Mother's diagnoses helped me gain an understanding that I have not been crazy all this time!

The past few years have been a series of processes whereby I have faced reality in oh-so many ways.  While God rigged it for me to study and learn about some of the problems before the facts came to light, the majority of the inner healing has come in the past few months as I have been able to take a deep breath (literally, finally) and enjoy my Maker, my self and the abundant life He continually provides.  

Learning to receive life from Him and understanding what life is -and is not -has been another huge aspect of my maturing process.  

During this time I put everything online on hold.  I pulled away from online groups and people I respect and admire at a time when the whole world seemed to be connecting online more than ever.  

I started getting out more physically while everyone else seemed to be shut in.  

My years of having been sort of a house hermit in order to nurture self and home and kin proved to be beneficial.  Tending to home fires and setting house in order paid off and now I finally feel like I can come here and say something that will be worth saying.

It feels good to be returning with what feels like a completely new inner world.  

If ever you or anyone you care about needs to stop the busyness of life and slow down, I think it really is worth the effort.  Time taken to receive and open those good and perfect gifts will never be regretted.  

Looking forward, I hope to share more of the specifics I have learned in order to give testimony as to how good God is and how fantastically His ways work.  

He- and His principles- still delights me continually, in the midst of having just been through some of the darkest nights of my soul's life.  

More later.  

Thanks for reading.  :)

~Kate 

Exuberant for Life  

Lake Ann

Michigan

USA

August 3, 2021

News from Jerusalem

 Our friend Netanel has given an update on Gaza, what's happening and what is coming.  He shared the audio link with me and I am sharing it with you.  Feel free to take a listen here:  Gaza Today and Where it Is Leading To by Netanel Nickalls.

Update: May 2021

As I continue to get things in order, today I created vision boards for myself.  I think the lie from the original garden morphs it's way into my days very subtly...did God really say enjoy Him, enjoy good food and family and friends and that life is VERY good?  Or did He say everything should be a never-ending struggle in futility?

As I ponder the principle of sowing and reaping (which I think is a direct cousin if not the very same as the law of attraction), I want to reap GREAT things.  I was reminded by Praying Medic's most recent podcast that we are transformed by the renewing of our minds.

Right. All this sugar and foods which harm and other such things are taking up the place where GOOD THINGS ought to....so I am shifting things in order to put things first.  

Yesterday I ordered a new bible.  My old faithful one has been squeezed dry and so I am eager to begin again the habit of diving into the fresh and living Word with the One who IS the Word.  Word!  

As you can see here, I have made several designs to put before my eyes to remind me of whose I am, who I am and what I want in my life: to enjoy God and myself and those He's given to bless my life and to look and feel great.  Those are simple desires, and yet I have work to do in order to get there.

I listened to a couple of fantastic podcasts yesterday about goals for health and morning routines.  It helped me understand realistic processes (which are often a complete anathema to me) and allowed me to see how I can go forward honoring some bits of my old self while embracing my now self so that I can become my whole self.

There are emotions to regulate, spiritual warfare to battle, truths to embrace, strongholds to evict and extra energy to burn.  I am going to keep before me the reminder of the 80/20 principle...I need to receive 80% and give 20%.  This shift alone will be LIFE changing for me.  As my friend Arthur mentioned years ago, when you give, give, give and do not receive much, ya run out.  It's simple math.

So, to continue combating the Jezebel nastiness of refusing to receive and to go in the opposite spirit of that, I will keep on changing my life so I can give from an overflowing cup.  It feels like the right time to let go of a frenzied mindset, embrace being addicted to peace and allowing myself to know and FEEL that God is good all.the.time.  

Oh, and listening to bits of me that have a bit to say about some pain is a plan too...

How about you?  How is your May faring?

An Update

 Hello!

As I ponder sharing myself and of our lives through Exuberant for Life, I feel such tug and pull. Is it possible the time for feeling free to share regularly will come and that I'm just in the midst of *still* a LOT of emotional healing? Likely.

Getting my house in order has taken more than a decade. In my ignorance and immature zeal I thought it would take a week. That was before I knew anything much about the inner world and the copious amounts of healing needed for oh-so-many wounds.

The other day as the Tall Guy and I chatted, I shared with him what my friend MB is helping me to realize: the journey to being whole is exhausting, time consuming and often feels like battling monsters. While it's WORTH the time and energy (and whatever resources are required), it is a bit mind boggling just how much the processes seem to hinder what used to be considered 'normal life.' He said that is why people choose NOT to deal with it, and in a flash I understood!

The breaker anointing we both have is no small thing, and it is for our posterity that we keep learning and clinging to the One who knows and who gives us strength to continue. Imparting will come, I hope (for I long to get to that work!), yet for now I must be content to just BE, and to keep receiving from the Life Giver and to do the work set before me each day.

I suspect the Ruler portion of my spirit is finally getting to express itself. The inner-man healing work which began more than six years ago is resulting in things like fresh curtains being installed to replace worn out blankets for window coverings as well as setting up simple and good looking systems so we can do what we were designed to do here -create! play! work! love! rest!

I am SO glad to know about productive pain....the kind which hurts but which has a redemptive and good-for-me purpose. Though it doesn't make anything easier, it reminds me to keep taking courage as I face all these invisible and unnamable issues, day in and day out while simultaneously caring for self, family, home and a relationship or two beyond these walls. Courage is a resource I have come to appreciate.

As I keep doing the work which I cannot really name, see or understand very well, I often think of YOU and the journey you are on.

I'm reminded too of the holy work we do to break general cycles of iniquity and I rejoice that there is healing for the soul.

Keeping on,

Kate

Dominion At Home

As I reflect upon the past several years, I recognize a common theme, which I have not been able to see clearly until this morning.  

Whenever my passion for something gets the better of me, certain areas of my life suffer.  

When that happens, I suffer, as do the people around me.

I suppose we all have our limitations.  You might be better at knowing yours than I have been at knowing my own.  

It is likely I have less ability to manage things in my life than I previously thought.  As I look around me, even this morning, I see loads of evidence that I am not managing well some of what I have been given.  

I ask myself: what types of activities, mindsets and processes disable my ability to keep certain aspects of my life running?  This is what I need to consider.

To run well the race set before me, I need to take inventory of what is going well, celebrate what has been shifted that is now well-stewarded which once was not, and be honest about what is currently falling below my own standards.

To give you a small example, just now when I went to the coffee pot to get the decaf brewing, I noticed what I had not last night before I retired.  The tiny kitchen is overrun with items needing immediate attention: boys winter gear & light sabers, dirty dishes, overflowing trash.  

The one person who has the duty to care for the dishes can knock that chore out in about 30 minutes (fewer if he can resist the temptation to be distracted).  The snowsuits and boy toys can be put away in seconds; trash remedied in moments.

What is at the heart of it all, and the reason I share, is because I know that in the past two days I have been obsessed with what is happening in certain areas of my nation.  Putting such intense focus on moment-by-moment news has sucked all the energy out of me for making sure my home is running properly.

Who cares about a well-run home?  I do!!!  It is the one physical place where I spend almost all of my time, as do these children!  It is supposed to be a nurturing place; a place of warmth and of acceptance where love and hope are continually renewed.  

In the past days it has been anything but.  

I see now how giving almost all of my attention to what is happening nationally impedes my ability to keep these home fires burning.  The result?  The fruit?  The children have been fighting; my husband has barely had a proper meal in days and we have all been sustained on bits of nourishment here and there without any proper oversight from me.

I have also sadly neglected my self, which is the life-long pattern I have spent the past several years learning how to adjust.  

As I write this, I can see how ignoring my needs starts the cycle of not giving others what they need and deserve: my time, my love, my EFFORT.  

To see that I have not given my self time, love or effort is sobering.  Being indifferent towards myself does not bless anyone.

My soul is finite and can only do so much on any given day.

As I continue the journey of learning to live life as a whole person, I continue to need to make changes in order to better execute this life for which I am so exuberant.

While I know it is not the end of the world, it needs to be the end of me doing too much in one area and not enough in others.  Physical, mental, spiritual and emotional health matter, no matter what is happening in Washington D.C. or anywhere else in the nation and world.

I am reminded of Kris Ann Hall's words this week: we must focus on our local and state governing bodies in order to affect real change.  Similarly, I must turn my focus to making myself and then my home a place of beauty and of peace and of faith in the One who gives us breath.  That process begins with my heart, soul, mind and body, which have been VERY busy with matters too far beyond my reach.

Yes, I pray for God's will on the earth, and I agree with Him to make happen here what He would like, and I will continue to intercede where He leads; however I must also put in the work of what He has given me to do...here...today.  My realm is that of this little home; tending to its bodies and its needs is my responsibility, as is caring for my own self!  

Real transformation begins inside of us, and from that place, rivers of life can flow.  

It is time to focus first on what matters most.  The 80/20 principle comes to mind, as do so many others.  I will now take courage to return to what needs to have my first priority...and then from a place of strength there, will see what is left to give beyond the hearth and home.