Hello!
As I ponder sharing myself and of our lives through Exuberant for Life, I feel such tug and pull. Is it possible the time for feeling free to share regularly will come and that I'm just in the midst of *still* a LOT of emotional healing?
Likely.
Getting my house in order has taken more than a decade. In my ignorance and immature zeal I thought it would take a week. That was before I knew anything much about the inner world and the copious amounts of healing needed for oh-so-many wounds.
The other day as the Tall Guy and I chatted, I shared with him what my friend MB is helping me to realize: the journey to being whole is exhausting, time consuming and often feels like battling monsters. While it's WORTH the time and energy (and whatever resources are required), it is a bit mind boggling just how much the processes seem to hinder what used to be considered 'normal life.' He said that is why people choose NOT to deal with it, and in a flash I understood!
The breaker anointing we both have is no small thing, and it is for our posterity that we keep learning and clinging to the One who knows and who gives us strength to continue. Imparting will come, I hope (for I long to get to that work!), yet for now I must be content to just BE, and to keep receiving from the Life Giver and to do the work set before me each day.
I suspect the Ruler portion of my spirit is finally getting to express itself. The inner-man healing work which began more than six years ago is resulting in things like fresh curtains being installed to replace worn out blankets for window coverings as well as setting up simple and good looking systems so we can do what we were designed to do here -create! play! work! love! rest!
I am SO glad to know about productive pain....the kind which hurts but which has a redemptive and good-for-me purpose. Though it doesn't make anything easier, it reminds me to keep taking courage as I face all these invisible and unnamable issues, day in and day out while simultaneously caring for self, family, home and a relationship or two beyond these walls. Courage is a resource I have come to appreciate.
As I keep doing the work which I cannot really name, see or understand very well, I often think of YOU and the journey you are on.
I'm reminded too of the holy work we do to break general cycles of iniquity and I rejoice that there is healing for the soul.
Keeping on,
Kate
