Time Passed

Worship Song #1 for This Session

Hello you!

Following the advice of a mentor, our family embarked on a two year project, which I alluded to in the post just below this one.  

As it winds down and we look forward to serving for another two years, I pause to reflect and look at so many other projects which have my heart's attention.  

Sharing with you here on this blog is one of them.  

A friend recently asked for a print out of this, in order to share it with some new friends.

As I looked through the massive amounts of files on my MacBook, renewed faith, hope and love sparked for working here on EFL.  

I see the wisdom in having cleared some items off my schedule, freeing up time and bandwidth to tend to this place, which often gets forgotten in the day to day living when I feel like less than a conqueror.

Hearing of a friend's recent diagnosis, I'm reminded that learning to feel our feelings literally helps avoid life threatening diseases, which pop up due to our inability to know what to do with these invisible appendage-like realities (aka feelings/emotions).

Whether we believe they are the bane of our existence and shut ourselves off from a source of life within us (which needs to be managed, and tended like a garden), or cling to our excuse to carry on as if they are not there, our feelings MUST be dealt with less we perish.  To those who shame others for learning to feel them, death waits ready to envelope them.  It humbles me to remember that our loving God is the one who sets life and death in front of us each day, whispering (nudging) us to choose life.  Respecting whichever we choose, He has set it up for us to reap from whatever we decide.

According to those who know more than me, every addiction and (almost?) every disease is caused by not attuning to our innards - gut and emotions.  In our western culture, we are taught to ignore these life-lines, and praised for summoning the disconnect which  results from attempting to hack off a very living (and vital) part of us.

As I ponder wellness, wholeness and where our culture stands in terms of emotional maturity, I am reminded that sharing what we've learned about it all might just be THE most important thing we can leave behind as a legacy for future generations.  Significant deeds which we've accomplished will pale in comparison to what can be shared in places like this, which can be passed along in order to point to the One who exists beyond all realms.  

It's to Him that I continue to surrender.

Oh, and along those lines of facing the tumults within, I'm thankful for whomever put Corrie ten Boom's video blurbs onto Youtube shorts.  

In a recent one, which just happened to come across my feed "randomly" the other day as I pondered the deepest betrayal of my life ---which seems SO hard to overcome---  I marveled as Corrie explained that she COULD NOT forgive.  

She explained that only the Holy Spirit within us can empower us to do that.

RIGHT.  

Wow.  

So now I've changed my position.  

Rather than begging for ability to forgive, I recognize He has answered my prayer of late, which has been to teach us how to love our enemies.  

I cannot do any of that, and now I do not feel ashamed or condemned!!  It's not humanly possible.  

Thankfully, I am reporting to you, Dear Reader of this simple blog which sits upon this website in the regions of internet-land, that I have flung it God-ward, confessing that I cannot do it- no matter how much time passes or efforts are given to talk it through, or any other well-intentioned tactics are deployed.  

I have no power in my own Kate-ness to forgive all that needs to be.  

Without the Vine I can do nothing.

I CANNOT.

I CANNOT.

I CANNOT.

How freeing that is.  

WHAT A WEIGHT I have been under, believing I had to do it in my own power and strength, and will and emotion.  

Trying, trying, trying, I have nearly driven myself into a faithless-frenzy.  Whatever is not done in faith is sin, right?  Yikes.  What a mess I've been in, not even seeing it.

Is this the root of why I have not been able to get weight to budge??  It will not surprise me at all if the astonishing stress of trying to forgive with my own woefully inadequate capability is THE cause of what the doctors have not been able to pinpoint.

If you're struggling to forgive, you might like 

1) telling God you can't and won't

2) asking for His power to do it, 

3) asking Him to teach you how to trust Him for the timing and the power and resources and RESULTS.  

What a waste to try and try in our own strength.  What pride is this?

Somehow, this has suddenly made all the difference to me.  It also reminds me how sharing true principles for posterity is a REALLY, really good idea.

With the shifts this good news will inevitably bring, I might be at the point where I can see to do both projects: the one we've renewed for another two years, and continuing to build here at Exuberant for Life.

I like the idea more than I can express.  Taking what has God's life in and adding value to it has become my favorite thing.

As I ponder aspects of being God's kid, my husband's wife and the mom to our kids, I revel that there are SO many principles bursting to be utilized.  I think another word for it is WISDOM, and I feel like that's God's most exquisite gift.

Watering this season's seedings, I recalled hearing Joyce Meyer describe how God would wait to help her until she stopped struggling.  Feeling this lesson becoming my own reality, I see it is as though He is a complete Gentleman...waiting until I ask for help, allowing me to struggle long.  Knowing Romans 5 wisdom mysteries, I suppose there is good that comes from trying to no avail.  What a great burden I have ditched and flung off.  I remain forever indebted to the guy who taught us to discern between productive pain (the Romans 5 kind) and the OTHER kind. 

I cannot forgive HER, or THEM, or him (or her or him, etc).  

I CANNOT and I won't try anymore.

Instead, I cling to the One who is WONDERFUL.  

I don't have to TRY anymore.  

*sigh

(...and she walks off stage, having finished her soliloquy....)

More healing news from this week:

Worship Song #2 for This Session

Know you are adored...not for anything you have done, are doing, or that you will do.  

YOU, dear person, are adored because of WHO YOU ARE.  

Your very essence and being is adored. 

Period.

So there. 

With love and respect,

Kate M

-From the writing studio/seed central/video game hub/living room of the Castle- on a sandy hill within a forest- which is stuffed full of people who eat and clean and do lessons around me while I natter away at you.  :)  

Feel free to say HI by email over at exuberantforlife@gmail.com. You can also find me on facebook, twitter and truth social.  I'd love to hear from you.

p.s.  I've just had prayer time and feel 2nd layer of understanding coming.  In order to get THIS one out to you, I'll post now as is, and then hope to capture the essence of what is coming now.  Thanks for traveling along with me.  You are appreciated.