FEELINGS ~ the necessary kind

Dis-regulation happens when we do not know how to act like ourselves when big feelings occur.   When upsetting emotions, oftentimes more than one, seem to take over we can feel overwhelmed. In that mental/emotional state, solving problems is impossible.    

There can be one emotion, or a combination of them. This overwhelming feeling can cause us to loose our sense of emotional peace, which is our built-in, neutral emotion which we are meant to be in most of the time.

You are fearfully and wonderfully made, and regulating your feelings is an intricate and amazing set of systems, similar to our excretive system. Just like we need to eliminate wastes from our bodies so we need to learn the skills of “feelings training” like we learned “potty training.” 

The feelings do not need to be eliminated, but they do need attention. As we learn to recognize the feeling when our bodies need to urinate or defecate, so we can learn HOW TO process the emotions which come up. They are necessary sensations in an emotionally healthy life. 

REPRESSING those feelings, or ignoring, shaming (etc) them creates similar problems we face if we are not allowing the “elimination” sensations to alert us that we need to take action.

1)  Name the feeling.

 This can take time, and the Holy Spirit can help your innards attune to what it is, where you feel it in your body, and what it's called. 

For example: Anger, Disgust, Fear, Normal Embarrassment (the healthy kind, not the toxic sort), Hopeless Despair, Sadness...

 2) Give it (them) to Jesus.  Emotions we have not learned to regulate can be burdens too much for us to bear. Giving them to Jesus helps! 

“Jesus, I give You (name each emotion), and I ask You to take them (bear them!), because they are too much for me.”

 3) Ask the Holy Spirit for healing.

Holy Spirit, I ask You to heal all the heart, spirit, soul, body, time, land, birthright, office, and community wounds associated with those feelings.

 4) Thank the Father, and receive.

 “THANK YOU Father, for Your healing.  I receive it. I ask also for the opposite emotion (s), and for complete wholeness.”

    If peace eludes you, consider revisiting the 4 steps. New feelings may emerge, or the same ones. Feel free to repeat as necessary. ** If these steps do not seem to work, there are other techniques you can try, until you find what works.  

We were designed to be able to feel our six right-brained emotions and get back to peace within 90 seconds by the time we are four years old.  This first requires a specific development of knowing we are loved.  Having someone attune to us in our toddler years, and work with us is how we can do this.  It's part of why the toddler years are so intense.  

A toddler whose parents have been a safe place during the phases when these big emotional processes occur will look to and trust them when they have the next developmental emotional surge around age 13.  Feeling safe to be ourselves around our parents is part of the designed wonders of life in family.

If the first level of development has happened, these skills can be learned anytime in life, similar to tying one's own shoes.  It takes time, and concentrated effort.

These steps were originally shared here.

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Exuberant for Life exists to disseminate concepts so individuals and families can work on remedial emotional skills, as well as to encourage parents with young children realize the steps needed to help.  This particular technique is very helpful for emotions which come up in the moment for adults who are learning to feel their own feelings.  

To process PTSD emotions, there is another technique we have learned which we will share as soon as time permits.  

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~Exuberant for Life

Kate

March 7, 2026

Midwestern USA

Love and Hate, Justice and Mercy

Pondering love and hate a lot recently, I'm convinced that the love of the true God is what we need. Our own human love will always fall short, and is terribly persuadable. Our human "love" isn't pure love, though we wish it to be. Abiding in Jesus, who came showing us the heart, and true love of the Father, and letting the Holy Spirit shed that love abroad in our hearts is, in my opinion, the only hope I -or any of us- have. Otherwise, we end up hating "evil," which can sometimes look like what happened when they crucified our LORD. There is an enemy mode we can slip into, feeling justified that we are correct and "in the right." The sermon on the mount spoken to those 12 men sheds light on what the Father thinks love is...and to be honest I think it offends all of us in some way, deeply down to our human core. The idea of giving empathy without also having justice is anathema to the God of creation. There must be both. We're to love one of those, and do the other. If we only focus on one (love or justice), we take up weapons with the one who came to steal, kill, and destroy ~ without realizing it. We are told to do justice and love mercy. The balance needed seems to only be available via supernatural Divine empowerment. Being able to receive His love might be a problem for a lot more of us than we'd like to think, because it's perfectly mingled with justice. Some of us tend to love one, or the other, but few seem to grasp both unless they are surrendered to the One rather than being dogmatic about their "ways" being right. Do we follow Him, or our ideas of Him? Do we adore Him and His ways, or do we privately, and very deeply prefer concepts of our own beliefs of what we feel or think He means/meant rather than He Himself? I think He stands in the perfect middle between justice and mercy, and invites us to both within Himself. It means we cannot pick a side, and still be in the right. This, methinks, is the stuff of wonder, and perplexing, and beautiful, and mysterious.