As I train up children, one son of the five is especially gifted in the art of knowing his own mind. Washing, drying and putting away the family dishes (with no machines to help) has been his particular and recent scene of battle as it was for a brother before him. This son has never been shy to express his opinions and that particular work has been distasteful to him since day one.
Yesterday, I had planned a very special outing for Valentine's Day. Since the weather has been 20 degrees F (-6 Celsius) and lower for months, we were due to experience temperatures in the 40's (4 Celsius). A trip was planned to traipse up our hill, dig out the snow and get a nice fire blazing. Hot dogs and s'mores were ready for roasting. We were set to enjoy the 2nd annual We Can Conquer the Long Winter Festival on our families three acres. I was so eager.
The one stipulation I required was that everyone's chores had to be done by 3 pm. No exceptions. In our home, chores are a significant part of the work, training and educational component of our children's lives. With the furnace finally working after being on the fritz for two weeks we were enjoying consistent warmth throughout our little home.
As a humorous challenge, in the early afternoon the plumbing system seized and we had yet another unusual challenge to face. Daughter faced it with her usual tenacity while a son rose to the occasion to trouble shoot and communicate the trouble to those who could help after he did all he could (which was significant). Three of the other sons were dutiful to work on their chores with good attitudes and it looked like we were all set.
HOWEVER.
We win or loose together.
The son who hates the job of dishes (and who can blame him, really?) found numerous reasons NOT to get his work done.
I've been there. Done that. You?
With my life often affected by dire things I couldn't get a handle on, I often could not keep thoughts in my head long enough to keep children accountable for their choices and actions/inaction (long, sordid story!). Yesterday was different and I stood my ground.
The result? NO CAMPFIRE.
There were tears and shouts of protest from the two five year olds who were devastated with anger and disappointment. The older three who had kept up with their chores kept their thoughts and feelings mostly to themselves as I suppose they might have been remembering times and events when they were the cause of similar disappointments due to the inevitable human "I don't want to" attitude.
This morning (and this is really the reason I'm writing this for you) that son came to me with dish towel and wet plate in hands, set his head upon my shoulder and told me how bad he feels that everyone lost out on the campfire because of him.
Short moral to the story?
Mazur family for the win!
As I have pondered raising boys vs raising men, I am moved with respect by the processes of letting people reap what they sow...and how that work in and of itself is primarily able to cause boys to be men. Not cruelty, unkindness or tough rules....just letting God's ways work as He intended them. Sometimes I think clearing away the mental clutter in order to simply let God's ways work their Wonder is some of the most challenging stuff a family and culture can face.
Has God left us alone without help as we rear our families and affect our culture? Nope. His truths and treasures and ways are clear to know and do with His leadership unique for each family and situation and culture.
And now, thanks to Him, I have a son who is going from boy to little man, who is shifting from being one who loves to do what he wants to whenever he feels like it to a little man who understands that what he does (and doesn't do) affects the people he loves.
And he came to me for solace at his actions! What an honor! What trust I have earned in this strong one!
I'm sure something in the frontal part of his brain is now stronger, as is my respect for him and possibly his for others.
And me? After a really long season stuck in doors I am celebrating that even in the midst of cold and dark seasons in life, love always wins and new things bloom and blossom eventually.
The hero honestly in all of this? Of course it is my hubby, who will remain nameless because he's always so needing time alone to recharge his enormous inner batteries after working so fearlessly to train these five men while at the same time being kind and loving to the two women who reside and live along side him. Not an easy task, I assure you, for oodles of reasons.
To all of you who are pouring into children, and especially the male ones, I send my great big blessings to you as you allow their masculinity to thrive while also helping steer things so they can become protectors and helpers. May they be sensitive to and tend well to their own needs as well as those of others, asking for help unashamedly whenever they need it. May you help them learn to choose what's right when they really do not want to. It's no easy task. And may you mom's and dad's be refresh and renewed as you do the most important work on earth: tending to the needs of your own families!
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