Time Passed

Worship Song #1 for This Session

Hello you!

Following the advice of a mentor, our family embarked on a two year project, which I alluded to in the post just below this one.  

As it winds down and we look forward to serving for another two years, I pause to reflect and look at so many other projects which have my heart's attention.  

Sharing with you here on this blog is one of them.  

A friend recently asked for a print out of this, in order to share it with some new friends.

As I looked through the massive amounts of files on my MacBook, renewed faith, hope and love sparked for working here on EFL.  

I see the wisdom in having cleared some items off my schedule, freeing up time and bandwidth to tend to this place, which often gets forgotten in the day to day living when I feel like less than a conqueror.

Hearing of a friend's recent diagnosis, I'm reminded that learning to feel our feelings literally helps avoid life threatening diseases, which pop up due to our inability to know what to do with these invisible appendage-like realities (aka feelings/emotions).

Whether we believe they are the bane of our existence and shut ourselves off from a source of life within us (which needs to be managed, and tended like a garden), or cling to our excuse to carry on as if they are not there, our feelings MUST be dealt with less we perish.  To those who shame others for learning to feel them, death waits ready to envelope them.  It humbles me to remember that our loving God is the one who sets life and death in front of us each day, whispering (nudging) us to choose life.  Respecting whichever we choose, He has set it up for us to reap from whatever we decide.

According to those who know more than me, every addiction and (almost?) every disease is caused by not attuning to our innards - gut and emotions.  In our western culture, we are taught to ignore these life-lines, and praised for summoning the disconnect which  results from attempting to hack off a very living (and vital) part of us.

As I ponder wellness, wholeness and where our culture stands in terms of emotional maturity, I am reminded that sharing what we've learned about it all might just be THE most important thing we can leave behind as a legacy for future generations.  Significant deeds which we've accomplished will pale in comparison to what can be shared in places like this, which can be passed along in order to point to the One who exists beyond all realms.  

It's to Him that I continue to surrender.

Oh, and along those lines of facing the tumults within, I'm thankful for whomever put Corrie ten Boom's video blurbs onto Youtube shorts.  

In a recent one, which just happened to come across my feed "randomly" the other day as I pondered the deepest betrayal of my life ---which seems SO hard to overcome---  I marveled as Corrie explained that she COULD NOT forgive.  

She explained that only the Holy Spirit within us can empower us to do that.

RIGHT.  

Wow.  

So now I've changed my position.  

Rather than begging for ability to forgive, I recognize He has answered my prayer of late, which has been to teach us how to love our enemies.  

I cannot do any of that, and now I do not feel ashamed or condemned!!  It's not humanly possible.  

Thankfully, I am reporting to you, Dear Reader of this simple blog which sits upon this website in the regions of internet-land, that I have flung it God-ward, confessing that I cannot do it- no matter how much time passes or efforts are given to talk it through, or any other well-intentioned tactics are deployed.  

I have no power in my own Kate-ness to forgive all that needs to be.  

Without the Vine I can do nothing.

I CANNOT.

I CANNOT.

I CANNOT.

How freeing that is.  

WHAT A WEIGHT I have been under, believing I had to do it in my own power and strength, and will and emotion.  

Trying, trying, trying, I have nearly driven myself into a faithless-frenzy.  Whatever is not done in faith is sin, right?  Yikes.  What a mess I've been in, not even seeing it.

Is this the root of why I have not been able to get weight to budge??  It will not surprise me at all if the astonishing stress of trying to forgive with my own woefully inadequate capability is THE cause of what the doctors have not been able to pinpoint.

If you're struggling to forgive, you might like 

1) telling God you can't and won't

2) asking for His power to do it, 

3) asking Him to teach you how to trust Him for the timing and the power and resources and RESULTS.  

What a waste to try and try in our own strength.  What pride is this?

Somehow, this has suddenly made all the difference to me.  It also reminds me how sharing true principles for posterity is a REALLY, really good idea.

With the shifts this good news will inevitably bring, I might be at the point where I can see to do both projects: the one we've renewed for another two years, and continuing to build here at Exuberant for Life.

I like the idea more than I can express.  Taking what has God's life in and adding value to it has become my favorite thing.

As I ponder aspects of being God's kid, my husband's wife and the mom to our kids, I revel that there are SO many principles bursting to be utilized.  I think another word for it is WISDOM, and I feel like that's God's most exquisite gift.

Watering this season's seedings, I recalled hearing Joyce Meyer describe how God would wait to help her until she stopped struggling.  Feeling this lesson becoming my own reality, I see it is as though He is a complete Gentleman...waiting until I ask for help, allowing me to struggle long.  Knowing Romans 5 wisdom mysteries, I suppose there is good that comes from trying to no avail.  What a great burden I have ditched and flung off.  I remain forever indebted to the guy who taught us to discern between productive pain (the Romans 5 kind) and the OTHER kind. 

I cannot forgive HER, or THEM, or him (or her or him, etc).  

I CANNOT and I won't try anymore.

Instead, I cling to the One who is WONDERFUL.  

I don't have to TRY anymore.  

*sigh

(...and she walks off stage, having finished her soliloquy....)

More healing news from this week:

Worship Song #2 for This Session

Know you are adored...not for anything you have done, are doing, or that you will do.  

YOU, dear person, are adored because of WHO YOU ARE.  

Your very essence and being is adored. 

Period.

So there. 

With love and respect,

Kate M

-From the writing studio/seed central/video game hub/living room of the Castle- on a sandy hill within a forest- which is stuffed full of people who eat and clean and do lessons around me while I natter away at you.  :)  

Feel free to say HI by email over at exuberantforlife@gmail.com. You can also find me on facebook, twitter and truth social.  I'd love to hear from you.

p.s.  I've just had prayer time and feel 2nd layer of understanding coming.  In order to get THIS one out to you, I'll post now as is, and then hope to capture the essence of what is coming now.  Thanks for traveling along with me.  You are appreciated.  

On Patriotism and Inner Acceptance of Whatever IS True

I've spent a long time reading posts of others and considering so much information. Finally, a bit from my own innards erupts and I share it here, in case you care to read.

No matter what the truth is about any of it, I want to know. I am not concerned about "party" or devoted to any leader blindly, including any POTUS. I want justice for all and want the truth exposed all the way around and I'll adjust to whatever the facts are even if I can't stand what comes to light. 

I learned long ago that men and women are not angels and so am wiling to face embarrassment, sadness, anger, disgust etc if/when anyone I believed in/trusted has been dishonest, lied or covered up crimes for themselves or someone else. 

I'm a patriot of this nation and want it's best for it's people. 

While we don't all agree on what that looks like, it's important we have the emotional maturity (which has to be developed as it isn't automatic) to have logical and honest discussions. 

I might not have the maturity yet...but am learning and growing and willing to face my own faults, errors and wrongdoings. I know how to accept grace when I'm wrong and receive love when in error and have decades of messing up and then adjusting my behavior to not be such a fool. 

If there are those who represent us (or have or who seek to) who have been/are dishonest, I don't care WHAT side they're on. Those deeds need to be exposed and brought to light. I am not interested in fueling and adding to the garbage by saying I love everything some people do and dislike their opponents. 

I am willing to concede perhaps I've been duped as it seems so many have been. I don't have all the facts and indeed long for systems whereby we can access facts without all the corporate and financially biased drama etc. 

IF there are major parties (business, corporations, individuals, etc) who are part of a massive deceptive "cover up" of what's really happened/happening, then I literally pray that all gets exposed, no matter WHO has participated. We (the Republic and indeed the world) need to know what's true and what the facts are. 

We must get tot he point where we all can access information to understand the big picture and then can we, once INFORMED, decide for ourselves how to handle those who have misused their governing privileges which we gave them by electing them. 

Finally, I don't need to be told what the facts mean...I can figure that out for myself because I don't drink the water and was reared to be fiercely independent and to think for myself. I do look for sources willing to swim upstream from chatter and noise which doesn't sit right with me. Oh, how developing discernment has messed with my ability to think and consider information. Listening to our gut sense (etc) is so important. 

“Listen carefully and I highly suggest you watch the full episode... Full: https://t.co/lEBuVRHbqO Backup link: https://t.co/4pQ6nFRd95 https://t.co/UnTY69lREJ”

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“Listen carefully and I highly suggest you watch the full episode... Full: https://t.co/lEBuVRHbqO Backup link: https://t.co/4pQ6nFRd95https://t.co/UnTY69lREJ”

Infant Skills Every Adult Needs

This looks amazing.
"As a responsible parent you are constantly looking for best practices to raising your child. You feel the stress over figuring out what they should eat, how much sleep they should get, when to say no and learning the best ways to soothe your anxious child to sleep. You give so much detail to raising your child that you miss a critical component, helping your baby develop in maturity.

This new episode of Wilder Chats, Michael Sullivant and the Rev. Kitty Wilder discuss the stages of maturity at the infant stage (birth to four years old). Every caring parent will learn basic needs to help a baby mature into a child. Also, gain insights on where you might be lacking in maturity as an adult because of what you missed as an infant. Watch to find out how you can fill the maturity holes holding you back from your true potential.
Follow us on Facebook or subscribe to our YouTube channel to watch Wilder Chats. Start watching this new episode as early as 4:00 PM ET on Facebook."

Addressing Our Emotions Head On (even our adult ones)

Do you know how to help yourself when you're REALLY mad?  Do you know how to feel mad or do you shove it, etc?  I didn't know how to feel it or much of anything and the reason why is too long a story for today.

Did you try to speak out and no one listened?  Or were you shamed for expressing your feelings and taught they were best felt in solitude?  It's time for some light on that!!

You can now listen to YOURSELF...You can be the parent to yourself that you needed then.  Too, the good news is God can parent you while you parent yourself.   He can also parent you when you're out of ideas!!!

Did you have help learning how to feel mad (etc) and stay in relational mode?  Yeah, right.  Me either.

If you didn't, some of the videos below show examples of what nurturing looks like.  It's mind boggling for those of us who for whatever reason come from family units where emotions were NOT handled well.

The videos cover several emotions a child experiences.  

So whether you're new to the idea of giving dignity to your emotions (or someone elses), caring for children who have feelings, or dealing with yourself or others who feel stuff, I recommend watching all of these short videos!!  

In order to to feel with God we need to know:

1) that what we're feeling is OKAY always

2) that He designed feelings as part of our human experience and therefore HE gives us dignity and permission to FEEL them

3) We don't know what it's called (the feeling) unless someone who knows tells us.  God can attune to us by the Holy Spirit and teach us the names of our own feelings.  He knows what we're feeling and to feel is to heal!!!  

(Personal note:  I think these videos helped me massively understand and imagine so I can picture how I needed to be treated, how I can let God attune to and help me so I can receive His comfort rather than fight or resist it. It also massively helped me see how I can treat the parts within me or others that are still waiting for someone to name them and what they're feeling and validate that they have the right to feel what they've been feeling for me all my life since I wasn''t able to feel my own stuff then because it was too much without helpers...)

Note: the concept of attuning is SO important....and is an aspect of what the Coursey's do so well in the videos below.  To learn more about what attuning is and why it's SO vital,  you can visit HERE for some short video explanations.

First, watch as Daddy Chris Coursey helps do the work of attuning when child is ANGRY:  

Here child is afraid...very afraid...well done Mom and Dad!

Here, Mommy Jen Coursey helps little man as he deals with being really frustrated. 

New experiences can be overwhelming.  Having help from someone who's paying attention, watching and listening while also having words for us is WONDERFUL.

Since so many of our parents did NOT have this stuff done for them, they had NO idea how to do it with us.  So...we often were neglected or abused when we needed THIS sort of help.

The good news?  God wired our brains to feel our big right brained emotions and get back to shalom/peace within ninety seconds by the time we're four years old.  If a child can learn it with trial and error, time and help, SO CAN WE.  It's not easy, but it's worth it.

Please note: according to Dr Jim Wilder we need to be at a certain level of maturity in order to do this.  He says if we are at level one, we need other needs met first.

Where is your maturity?  Peek here to learn more about that.

If you're at a certain level, in my experience with myself, my six children ages 5-15 and others who are adults of all ages, you can work with yourself and your parts and be gentle with them.  Dr Wilder's PAIN lab explains the timing and the math behind any addiction and what's going on.  I appreciate his wrist watch info and have tested it out to be very true.

(Sexual) Addiction Part 5: Pain Lab

Remember there's also another component to keep in mind...getting a handle on this aspect of our life in Christ is a HUGE component in this process, too and can be hindering the processes quite severely:

How To Be Delivered: Derek Prince

Finally, blessings to you and thanks SO much for reading and watching.  Keep pressing on!!!!

If you'd like life coaching, please visit here for a listing of helpers available.

Fixing the Broken Discipleship Factory - A Free Webinar from DWI

I have SO much passion when I think about Jesus' discipleship...oh, how I could say so much about that!  Instead, I will share what I just received: an email invitation to this webinar.  I just signed up!  See if it's something you're interested in too.

Oh, and I generally and most often think of the "church" as God's Beloved - His Bride rather than the building/meeting place. I think it refers to people ("the Church") as opposed to a place.   Exuberant

Blessings, Kate

Changing the Way the Church Makes Disciples The church has failed to produce spiritually-minded, emotionally mature, relationally connected followers of Jesus Christ. They are, instead, producing an ever-increasing number of stuck, stalled, and dissatisfied Christians. Why? The model for discipleship in the church is incomplete. While the goal is to see every Christian experiencing a deeper walk with God, there are obstacles on the path that keep this from happening. Faulty Belief Systems (this is deeper than mere doctrine) Lack of Belonging (lost of identity and Christian community) Emotional Baggage (lack of healing blocks maturity) Bondage to Sin (with no idea of how to get free) Discover the discipleship model helping people identify and overcome these obstacles that keep them from a deeper walk with God. This is how we fix the broken discipleship factory, we change the way the church makes disciples! Wednesday  |  January 31  |  Noon ET REGISTER FOR THE FREE WEBINAR

A Servant's Assignment

I have assigned my daughter a series of things to help her.  Her RG (Romans 12 gift) is Servant.  She has so much amazing strength to offer as she tends to serving others...it's such a blessing to our home and family and household.

HOWEVER, I am aware that people with the RG Exhorter can really brutalize RG Servants by taking advantage of them.  Having listened over and over to the Principle for the Exhorter (sowing and reaping) and feeling the massive road rash for a long time thereafter, I am committed to helping serve the Servants.  It's not completely altruistic...I know they have the highest ability of authority and in heaven when I have a crown with gems,  I want to be well treated by them!  

To be honest, the Servant's super powers amaze me and often leave me speechless.  When I'm around a Servant functioning in their gifts and flowing freely I feel like I am watching a super star!  Their gifts are stunning and so needed and wonderful when brought to community with a pure heart.  Their presence brings me such a sense of calm...I hardly have words for it.

I recognize there's a bit of friction happening for my soon-to-be 13 year old daughter Servant.  Becoming a young woman she is experiencing the transition from childhood to adulthood.  She desires all sorts of good things which she doesn't tell me about but which I can discern based on her negative reactions to people in our home (mainly her brothers!).  After seeking some counsel from my friend Mic who is RG Prophet as well as getting lots of requests from my RG Mercy husband, I am going to help her by insisting she HEAR a lot of info about herself and others and what she can do and not do as a Servant to bless herself and others.  I insist she take care of her first before she tends to anyone else. That's just a basic, good habit to learn now...especially for a Servant!

The first assignment I gave her in these areas was to listen to the RG album.  She did that years ago.  Now she's ready for these materials:

1) The Principles for the Servant.   (hint: Authority)  Wow, will this be a big help to her.   She is working on downloading it free from the SLG site today.  Please bless her iPod and laptop to work properly!  It works fine when she's downloading audio stories!!

2) The Joy Unstoppable album.  ALL OF IT.  She loaded it onto her laptop over the Thanksgiving weekend and has begun it.   I see her stepping over the line into other peoples' business and then lashing out when they react badly.  I did it for many years so I recognize the ugly routine.  There's generational junk going back decades so this one (I think it's the 5th one) will need some skill for her to tackle.  I tackled it and so know she can, too.  

3)  The maturity series from Dr Wilder.  What is maturity?  What are the five stages?  Where is she in her own maturity and how can she help others to mature?  These questions will be answered as she listens to this awesome series.  

What wonderful gifts she will get from these audios!

I hope to keep you posted as to the results.  So far after just two days listening to the Principles for his RG gift (which is Teacher), my eldest son is stopping himself from arguing so much with her.  Fast fruit is SO nice.  Now to keep working on honoring KINDNESS within our family...whew! What many fronts there are to wage battle for the generations!  

Pleasure Building Stories

When reared as a disciple of doing in order to please others, I am finding building my pleasure center to be QUITE fun and altogether enjoyable.  

In my free time when I'm not tending to my six children, their educational and character development, overseeing meals, housekeeping (which is mostly done by them) or tending to myself and my husband, I spend my free time obsessing about emotional maturity (or lack therefore) and helping people get things sorted out so they can prosper inwardly with the hopes that eventually they will have outward fruit for others to enjoy.  To me, that's what making disciples looks like.  

When I'm not doing that?

One of my favorite things is to be engrossed within the fiction of my current preference.  Not just any fiction mind you...but fiction which depicts the very best in character, story, plot and so on.

I happen to be an absolute fan of the Inklings as well as other writers from that land mass.  It seems somehow to nurture THE best story tellers ever known to mankind (in my opinion!).

Recently I revisited my obsession with the Hobbit story and spent a long while savoring videos created by one of directors I respect more than any other as he shares blogs from the filming which spanned over three years.

The Hobbit Production Diaries (1-10) Full 1080p

                  

As I try and figure out how to lead others (which is within my design yet has been sort of squashed out of me -for now) I LOVE watching as PJ describes the processes involved with the presentation of the films which are now already in the annals of film history.  Watching the creative people and ALL that these skilled artists DO for the sake of telling an amazing story is something which gets all of my inner juices flowing.

For what purpose?  PURE PLEASURE so far. And I think getting a feel for being able to bring people together for a course of action is part of what I'm here for.  Who are they?  I have a hunch.  Artists with the spirit of wisdom.  For what purpose??  The Training Center probably.  How?  NO idea....but sitting on my tail end while my body rests and my mind and heart wander throughout the universe for God's answers is part of MY process as I learn and grow and allow my innards to awaken to reality.

                       \\\\

                                                        The Hobbit An Unexpected Journey - ORCRIST Letter Opener

What do YOU like to do that has nothing to do with helping or building up anybody else???

Dr Wilder: The 5 Step Process of Growing Up + Webinar Links

In my journey to find truth about what it means to be a human being, I have gleaned SO much from this particular ministry!

I recently had the pleasure of attending a series of webinars which go into wonderful detail about what maturity is, how to assess our own levels and how to help someone else grow up.

In order for you to here them too, I spent some time creating this post just for you!   

Session 1  The Five Stages of Growing Up

Length: 1 hour 2 minutes

Click here to listen and gain an understanding of the five levels of maturity. Inso doing, you'll get equipped for the second webinar.

For a brief description of the maturity phases, click here to download the free pdf by Dr Wilder.  The material is taken from Dr Wilder's excellent book.

Living with Men combines both the latest science and the oldest wisdom for training the control center in a man's brain for relationships. Immature men create leadership, parenting and relational failures, leaving deep pain in children, couples, families, churches, communities and themselves.

Session 2  Assessing and Developing My Maturity

Length: 59 minutes

Click here to listen as Dr. Wilder helps us learn to assess and develop our maturity in this webinar.

Session 3   Helping Others Mature

Length: 1 hour 2 minutes

In this webinar, Dr. Jim Wilder gives a foundational understanding of what it means to help others mature. Use this link to access the recording if you'd like to watch/hear it. 

Want to know your JoyQ?  Take this free assessment to see!  Update it as your grow more joy strength!

As a bonus, here is a link to a free ebook explaining the 19 relational brain skills which can help us mature and thrive.  

Here are more materials you might like:

Joy is a banquet table to which we are all invited. The places are set, and the table is filled with the delightful aroma that satisfies our deepest longing for life-giving connections with God and with others. There is room at this table for everyone; young and old, weak or strong. So pull up a chair, we've been waiting for you! Jim Wilder, Ed Khouri, Chris Coursey, and Shelia Sutton guide us through the journey to joy. This is the real joy you've been seeking. The solutions and exercises in this book will teach you the essential skills needed to restore and grow joy with those around you. Join the beginning of a joyful revolution that can change your life, your community and the world. Get ready...Joy Starts Here.

Relational brain skills change our lives and transform our relationships. Learn the 19 critical relational skills needed for resilience, peace and joy in every family and community. The Bible and brain science combine to show us active solutions we ordinarily overlook for personal and corporate transformation. Transforming Fellowship tackles the central issue that is destroying the credibility of the Western Church. Our fellowship lacks the transforming power Jesus intended. Through Transforming Fellowship we each actively contribute part of Christ's character to one another. How we think, live and react changes at a basic brain level. Transforming Fellowship develops both deep love and relational skills. Transforming Fellowship is as deeply spiritual as it is practical.

The Life Model is a unifying approach to ministries of counseling, recovery, pastoral care, prayer ministry, deliverance, inner healing, child rearing, body life and health. Substance abuse recovery programs internationally are guided by the Life Model's five principles. Because the Life Model develops strong maturity, it is widely used as a church model, particularly where people must face suffering. Missions have adopted the Life Model for restoring hurt missionary children. Almost every major ministry dealing with trauma and abuse in the USA uses the Life Model as part of their teaching. This new version now includes study questions at the end of each chapter as well as many other bonuses. Written by James Friesen, E James Wilder, Anne Bierling, Rick Koepcke, and Maribeth Poole.

Biblical Marriage

As I study biblical marriage,  leaving and cleaving are a sequential necessity in order to walk properly in marriage.

What if a man has not left his parents emotionally, mentally, financially?

What if he is at infant level maturity yet had a wedding, got a marriage certificate and has a lady who has joined herself with him?

According to scripture the man is required to leave (emotionally, financially, mentally) HIS parents; the woman is not required to.   Pastor Mark Gungor does a great job explaining some truths about that.  You can find his stuff on YouTube.

What if the man hasn't left? 

Is he really then a husband?  Can he cleave?  Can they become one in the eyes of God?

The woman who thinks she is operating within the realm of a spiritual marriage (by spiritual I mean one that is in God's eyes an actually marriage) by making a vow doesn't necessarily mean she is in a marriage covenant with that man.  

If he never went through the processes of leaving his parents then it's likely they are not married in the spiritual legal sense.

Why does it matter?

I will go into that another time.  While you wait, check out this fantastic message from my old pastor Noel H.  

Counter Cultural Marriage
"Biblical marriage preaches the Gospel to our culture by modeling Jesus in a lifelong covenant between one man and one woman, characterized by sexual-exclusivity, complimentary servant roles, and the ongoing sacrifice of self."  ~Noel H.  

Getaway

This past weekend our family of eight spent a wonderful time in a beautiful home with 2 very awesome, loving people.  The getaway was great for lots of reasons, one being I was recovering from a tooth infection.  Too, being on that land which is so rich physically as well as spiritually allowed me to feel and deal with some stuff I have long avoided.  

As I felt my way through the emotional mire, hubby and I had a chance to tuck away for a couple of really nice chats.  While he took breaks from the extroverted interaction, he read.  Among other things, I admire his tenacity to get to the root of these inner problems we both face so we can adjust and get ourselves (and our children) to a good place.   Spirit, mind and body has been our focus over the past decade as we seek to learn true principles and apply them to our lives.  Now the emotions take front stage.

I’m so glad for people like our weekend hosts who expressed God’s love even though we lack in some pretty big ways.  It was so refreshing to receive grace I didn’t have to work for.  I also loved seeing my children feel free to enjoy themselves even though they aren’t perfect.   

I admit the emotional stuff has been really hard for me to grasp as there are so many factors involved.  Learning what happened (in childhood) which harmed and also what didn’t occur but which needed to has been nearly a decade-long discovery process.  Some days we’re worn out; tired from carrying all the responsibilities of adult life when we feel more than a tiny bit ill-equipped.  

I relish reminders from the One who leads us.  He whispers: He is proud and pleased; not worried about what we lack; has wrapped Himself around and within us and holds us together as a family, caring for each of us and all of us simultaneously.

The time away with blessed people spoke deeply to me as I received that amazing grace, which I needed badly!  

Sometimes hubby and I feel upset when we realize we both lack information for important things.  ”My folder is empty on that subject,” we often express to each other in frustration.  Even worse is when the folder is altogether missing!!   It is embarrassing and awkward as we look around wondering what other vital information we’re missing.  

Last evening we returned from visiting our friends three hours away, unloaded the Suburban and got the children to bed.  During our late, quiet supper he mentioned he wanted to sit down together and look at the book.  I did not realize he meant right away and promptly ignored his suggestion which soon after created a huge rift.   

For the last 18 years of marriage we’ve never known how to handle this particular type of upset.   Now having gained a bit of skill, we waded clumsily through the frigid, turbulent waters and managed to re-connect emotionally and stay relational.  

WHAT A VICTORY!!  

After all these years of tucking ourselves away, stripped naked before the LORD and letting Him heal, teach and lead us, we could admit our flaws and weaknesses to each other.  

The raw vulnerability felt outrageous and yet right.  Things used to escalate into days of not speaking.  

Though we don't always have the words now, at least we can muddle through!

After we established we both wanted to work through the trouble rather than stay at odds, he asked me the most astonishing thing.  I’m embarrassed to write it!   “Are you a snob?”  

“What?????”   I said as I wrenched my face into a puzzled look while silently pondering.  Then I admitted, “I sure can be.” He looked at me with sadness in his face and said, “You don’t like yourself.” 

I began to weep.  “How do you know that? I whispered weakly through blubbering sobs.  “Is it from that book you’re reading?”  

I marveled at how he can know so much after so long of not knowing anything about what goes on in the emotionally immature.

I spent last night contemplating the concept of not liking myself and awoke to finally begin reading it.  I am now stumbling onto some really helpful things as a result.  It’s still a deplorable idea that some of us don’t like ourselves and I will be taking things real slow as I ingest and process this new info; I bet it’s why my friend Arthur keeps telling me to stop trying to get my legitimacy from him.  DUH!!!  I didn’t know I was doing it or how to stop! 

Embarrassing!!!! 

Hubby began last 'eve to explain to me why it happens. I was worn out from the kerfuffle and fell asleep without really getting a clear understanding.  Maybe someday I'll catch up to him.  He has already listened to the book at least four times since getting it on audible last month.  

As he has shares tidbits during quiet moments when we can steal away time to sit on the sunny deck which bursts with colorful summer flowers in bloom, I am stunned by how much his input gives me insight and hope as to why I struggle deeply in certain areas.  When I listen to my husband's heart I get understanding and hope swells for all of us out here who flounder feeling alone. I renew faith that God has good news and answers for the emotional orphans of this world.

Side note:  After a month of working on developing the skills she talks about here, I am convinced I will get to adult maturity some day.  :)  I really like her print-offs as well as the 16 pages of emotional word definitions.

Taking care of our own emotions is one of the keys to loving God well with all our heart, soul, mind and strength. It’s not a pretty process.  It takes a lot of grit to keep looking at the sad truth.  It would be easier to just get on with stuff, getting back into the swing of things as we approach a new week after an amazing weekend of being loved on.  

I think I am coming unravelled along the road less traveled.  I have a hunch eventually it will make all the difference.

You can listen to an audio sample and order the book here:

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