This past weekend our family of eight spent a wonderful time in a beautiful home with 2 very awesome, loving people. The getaway was great for lots of reasons, one being I was recovering from a tooth infection. Too, being on that land which is so rich physically as well as spiritually allowed me to feel and deal with some stuff I have long avoided.
As I felt my way through the emotional mire, hubby and I had a chance to tuck away for a couple of really nice chats. While he took breaks from the extroverted interaction, he read. Among other things, I admire his tenacity to get to the root of these inner problems we both face so we can adjust and get ourselves (and our children) to a good place. Spirit, mind and body has been our focus over the past decade as we seek to learn true principles and apply them to our lives. Now the emotions take front stage.
I’m so glad for people like our weekend hosts who expressed God’s love even though we lack in some pretty big ways. It was so refreshing to receive grace I didn’t have to work for. I also loved seeing my children feel free to enjoy themselves even though they aren’t perfect.
I admit the emotional stuff has been really hard for me to grasp as there are so many factors involved. Learning what happened (in childhood) which harmed and also what didn’t occur but which needed to has been nearly a decade-long discovery process. Some days we’re worn out; tired from carrying all the responsibilities of adult life when we feel more than a tiny bit ill-equipped.
I relish reminders from the One who leads us. He whispers: He is proud and pleased; not worried about what we lack; has wrapped Himself around and within us and holds us together as a family, caring for each of us and all of us simultaneously.
The time away with blessed people spoke deeply to me as I received that amazing grace, which I needed badly!
The time away with blessed people spoke deeply to me as I received that amazing grace, which I needed badly!
Sometimes hubby and I feel upset when we realize we both lack information for important things. ”My folder is empty on that subject,” we often express to each other in frustration. Even worse is when the folder is altogether missing!! It is embarrassing and awkward as we look around wondering what other vital information we’re missing.
Last evening we returned from visiting our friends three hours away, unloaded the Suburban and got the children to bed. During our late, quiet supper he mentioned he wanted to sit down together and look at the book. I did not realize he meant right away and promptly ignored his suggestion which soon after created a huge rift.
For the last 18 years of marriage we’ve never known how to handle this particular type of upset. Now having gained a bit of skill, we waded clumsily through the frigid, turbulent waters and managed to re-connect emotionally and stay relational.
WHAT A VICTORY!!
After all these years of tucking ourselves away, stripped naked before the LORD and letting Him heal, teach and lead us, we could admit our flaws and weaknesses to each other.
The raw vulnerability felt outrageous and yet right. Things used to escalate into days of not speaking.
Though we don't always have the words now, at least we can muddle through!
After we established we both wanted to work through the trouble rather than stay at odds, he asked me the most astonishing thing. I’m embarrassed to write it! “Are you a snob?”
“What?????” I said as I wrenched my face into a puzzled look while silently pondering. Then I admitted, “I sure can be.” He looked at me with sadness in his face and said, “You don’t like yourself.”
I began to weep. “How do you know that? I whispered weakly through blubbering sobs. “Is it from that book you’re reading?”
I marveled at how he can know so much after so long of not knowing anything about what goes on in the emotionally immature.
I spent last night contemplating the concept of not liking myself and awoke to finally begin reading it. I am now stumbling onto some really helpful things as a result. It’s still a deplorable idea that some of us don’t like ourselves and I will be taking things real slow as I ingest and process this new info; I bet it’s why my friend Arthur keeps telling me to stop trying to get my legitimacy from him. DUH!!! I didn’t know I was doing it or how to stop!
Embarrassing!!!!
Hubby began last 'eve to explain to me why it happens. I was worn out from the kerfuffle and fell asleep without really getting a clear understanding. Maybe someday I'll catch up to him. He has already listened to the book at least four times since getting it on audible last month.
As he has shares tidbits during quiet moments when we can steal away time to sit on the sunny deck which bursts with colorful summer flowers in bloom, I am stunned by how much his input gives me insight and hope as to why I struggle deeply in certain areas. When I listen to my husband's heart I get understanding and hope swells for all of us out here who flounder feeling alone. I renew faith that God has good news and answers for the emotional orphans of this world.
Side note: After a month of working on developing the skills she talks about here, I am convinced I will get to adult maturity some day. :) I really like her print-offs as well as the 16 pages of emotional word definitions.
Taking care of our own emotions is one of the keys to loving God well with all our heart, soul, mind and strength. It’s not a pretty process. It takes a lot of grit to keep looking at the sad truth. It would be easier to just get on with stuff, getting back into the swing of things as we approach a new week after an amazing weekend of being loved on.
I think I am coming unravelled along the road less traveled. I have a hunch eventually it will make all the difference.
You can listen to an audio sample and order the book here:
