Inner Life (an intermission)

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As I'm going along dealing FINALLY with all sorts of stuff I could not get to before, I am needing to take a bit of a break from sharing with you.  I have some posts in draft form and simply do not have the strength, energy or will to get the editing finished even though it would take me a bit longer than it will to write this whole thing for you!

To give you some context, when I was about 12 years old I hugged my Grandma goodby one fine day and she gave me a smooch.  She had a cold sore on her lip and since then I've had them erupt on and off.  They are NEVER fun.

I've been SO happy not to have had any in a long time.

Last weekend I was very ill with an out-of-nowhere migraine headache which when exposed to any daylight caused vomiting.  I felt terrible all that day...and though the next day I was better, a small bump developed on my lip the following week.

I didn't pay much attention to it AT ALL..and in fact forgot to do the usual things to help the ity bity flare-up cease and desist.  Instead what happened was it began to ooze and ooze and burn and ooze and SPREAD (so gross AND contagious!!!)...and now I have a huge burning patch of I-dunno-what under my bottom lip all the way to my chin.  It's as though the oozing continues and scabs and then each time I talk or eat it opens some of the healing places.  😳

Well, lemme tell you there's a lot of deliverance and inner healing going on...all in areas far beyond my reach until now and I'm reminded of the principle that my body has kept score. In other words, it's letting to of a life time of JUNK.   That's really good news!!!!

However...

..tonight I finally had the courage to look at it under a magnified mirror and was saddened to see what's happening.  While it IS getting better it is still very much in need of help.  So...I have cleaned it throughly, dabbed with hydrogen peroxide, let it dry and then sprayed it with peppermint oil.  Once that dried a bit I gobbed on lots of vitamin E creme.

It looks so horrible that I couldn't bare to let my hubby and kids see it for fear of worrying or disgusting them (plus I think keeping it from air, etc is a wise move), so I covered it with cotton pads and stuck them down gently with bandages.  While this might seem like no big deal, I know I need to not talk and not eat tonight in order to give it all a huge chance to heal.  My flapping jaw isn't good for that new skin growth making it's way underneath all that nastiness.

I am very grateful the past two nights I've been able to sleep pretty well.  For two nights before that it was oozing so badly I couldn't rest as I had to keep dabbing the nasty stuff!!  😰

I don't normally talk about such gross stuff...and the only reason I'm telling you now is because it HURTS and I'm trying not to cry.  My nerves feel super raw and I need comfort...and so I will plop myself down on the deck where the flowers and fruits, veggies and herbs grow and the birds flutter around doing their lovely things and I will read the great book I'm in the middle of.  I might sneak down some sort of liquid protein through a straw in order to give in and take some over-the-counter pain meds.  I hate to take anything like that unless I have to...yet I know this stress I'm feeling from the pain is apt to cause my body to react even more.  😷

Oh, and I'll work through PM's 3 steps to emotional healing too, because all this healing is sometimes....well, PAINFUL.  Worth it, of course,  yet 😢

Once I have my strength back, I'll get working on some posts for ya.  I have a lot of things to share which have come to light!!

Inner Life Part 4

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As I face what IS and what HAS been in order to decide what I want FROM NOW ON to look like, I am grateful for glimmers of light, helping hands and healing words along the way.  The journey in G*d and with Him is one entire aspect of reality...and the walk with others and myself another.

Learning I am an exhorter type of person really helps me frame things so I understand better.  It helps me accept how G*d made me one of the seven templates for humanity.  Lots of words, big ideas, exuberance for His life all around is part of the makeup of what's okay about me.

For people who've been reared by someone with cluster B personality disorders (including narcissism) there are some really dismal realities they face.  Taking the bull by the horns as my mother would say and dealing with it all takes no small amount of courage.  While I am aware of many things I lack, courage isn't usually one of them.

Learning of my energy type has been an interesting study as well.

Allow me to back up.

When the mother in your life believes the worst about you, cannot encourage, support or love you in a way you need and verbally assaults you more often than not, there's a need for finding out what's true and good and right about yourself.  Too, the nasty things spoken need to be neutralized and then good things added.  In other words, when the person God gave you to be the nurturer instead sows thorns and thistles into your life, it DOES things to a person.  It takes time and commitment to Truth and a willingness to be stripped bare in order for new life to be sown.  Then it takes time for those good seeds to germinate and bring forth good things.  How I am grateful for the Gentle Gardner!

Others who have been healed from a childhood of assaults by a parent have my full respect and attention. I have appreciated receiving truth and life from those who've faced the abuse and all the scary and upsetting things which go along with not being safe in the home of your youth.  I'll share more about that some other time.

Inner Life Part 3

Another aspect of facing truth and being made free is acknowledging the pain inside myself.  I appreciate one man's work to learn healing techniques for people under his brief care as a medic.  He's written a short book and recently published a video explaining three easy steps to emotional healing.  I marveled as he explained the simplicity of it...and since watching that I've been working on oodles of areas in my life which have surfaced in just a week or so.

This morning the heaviness I felt seemed to have several causes, some of which I've mentioned already.  Two more seem to be deep emotional and mental pain because of the narcissistic abuse I've endured all my life as well as a sort of hiding I think I've done in order to survive it all over the long haul.

I had no idea when I took a break from things years ago that so much needed to be exposed and unearthed within me.  I needed to learn about the need for deliverance, the reality of true inner healing, that everyone is not basically kind and that we can reap junk from what other people have sown.

The good news in there is multifaceted:

I am still adored (and have always been) by the One who knit me together.

He isn't afraid of the big bad wolves.

He has made ample provisions for the ills of this life.

Facing other people's junk, weeding the crud they added to the garden of my life and learning to sow good things even when things seem bleak and barren is really a master plan of living an exuberant life.

Not So Terrible Two's

Before the internet made it's way into many of our homes, in my quest make life work in the setting of family existence, I happened upon a radio broadcast featuring John Rosemond.  He and the host were talking about the book, "Family of Value" and I remember going fast to the local bookstore that same week.  The receipt is still in the back of the book.

That book has travelled through many moves, heartaches and ups and downs within our family.  Anytime I read even a sentence I am jolted back to the reality of how important logic, limits and sanity are for the family...and how G*d's intention is for families to live well together.  The author  tells like it is and gives principle after principle about what's really needed within the family...and his sobering honesty and humor are part of the reason (literally) I agreed to mother my husband's seven children (I bore him six). 

I found another concept explained well in the book Making the Two's Terrific by the same writer.  I was fascinated by his ideas and had not heard them anywhere else.   I had not known anyone to have his perspective or that type of attitude or success with children.   Since my innards believed he was RIGHT I set out to try and experimented using his methods on our sweet and feisty toddlers...and I was very pleased to find he was right. 

Now after 15 years of testing and working with his ideas as well as seeing the bad affects when those principles are NOT done (a cultural plague which I call the missing generation), I am still recommending his books, etc to anyone who cares to listen.  :)  I'll share more later about the specifics.

Keep reading for reviews of his great stuff:

John Rosemond's A Family of Value presents a critical view of the child care literature of the past quarter century and argues for an end to overindulgent parenting and a return to the goal of instilling moral values, such as responsibility, respectfulness, and resourcefulness.

In a completely revised and updated edition of his classic parenting guide, nationally recognized expert John Rosemond offers practical, tantrum-free methods for raising toddlers and getting them through the “terrible” times from age eighteen to thirty-six months. 

Focusing on the developmental period spanning age eighteen to thirty-six-months, which renowned parenting expert John Rosemond dubs, “the twos,” Making the “Terrible” Twos Terrific! offers practical parenting advice to ensure that every child’s “twos” are terrific.

By offering comprehensive tips on everything from toilet training to developing good habits for bedtime, as well as disciplinary techniques to control aggressive behaviors, Making the “Terrible” Twos Terrific! approaches parenting in a straightforward, accessible manner that is easy for parents to implement and achieve success with their toddlers.

No bribing, meltdowns, nudging, or cajoling are necessary. All parents need is consistent, firm, and loving interactions with their toddler to guide him or her during the developmental years. The methods described by Rosemond also translate to success throughout other life endeavors such as school, relationship building, and even productivity in the distant tween and teen years. To ensure that earthquaking foot stomps, decibel-shattering screaming, and consistently stubborn behavior are not the norm for your toddler, consult Rosemond’s Making the “Terrible” Twos Terrific!.   

All ideas expressed here are my own unless otherwise noted. This post may contain affiliate links.  If you purchase something through an affiliate link, I may earn a small commission at no extra cost to you - which helps support my large and ever growing family.  :) Also, I hope you'll consider supporting my writing, digital graphic arts, podcasts and more by becoming a patron!

My Apologies for Missing Link

In my last post I failed to share the video which SO inspired me to rethink a whole lot about my life.  While I hope to share more in podcasts about this sort of thing soon, here's the video you can check out for yourself.  It's titled, "When the Golden Rule is used to gaslight you."

 I'd love to hear your thoughts!  Did this give you any A-ha moments???

All ideas expressed here are my own unless otherwise noted. This post may contain affiliate links.  If you purchase something through an affiliate link, I may earn a small commission at no extra cost to you - which helps me provide free content and supports my growing family.  :)

I hope you'll consider supporting my writing, graphic digital art and podcasts!!! Learn how here. 

Childhood Trauma, Abuse, Neglect: PTSD?

Yesterday, a friend shared with me some very interesting information about themself.  When I asked where they got the info from, they shared this video.

Watch this 13 minute video titled:

WAS I ABUSED?

Childhood PTSD info and test

WOW...did that help explain a WHOLE lot about a whole lot of things. I am going to dive into this guys' website and thought I'd leave a trail for you to follow in case you're so inclined.  That's why I made this blog...to throw down the crumbs for you for your journey.  Hope it helps!!

The ACE test mentioned in the video is here.  

The full test on his website with all 60 questions is here.

Thanks SR for sharing the links to the tests.

All ideas expressed here are my own unless otherwise noted.

This post may contain affiliate links. If you purchase something through an affiliate link, I may earn a small commission at no extra cost to you - which helps me provide free content and supports my growing family. :)

Consider supporting my work by becoming a patron! Learn more here.

Insight into Healing from Narcissistic Abuse & Neglect

Junk that happened long ago which overwhelmed us then and didn't get dealt with might still be lurking in our bodies.  Fibromyalgia?  Back pain?  etc...

What if our body is telling us there's a story from our life we need to hear?

This post may contain affiliate links.  If you click through and make a purchase, I might receive a small compensation at no extra charge to you.

Emotional Prejudice

What if the reason we're avoiding taking REALLY good care of ourselves is because we're prejudiced?

What if we believe everyone else deserves good things, but that we do NOT?

What if we think sacrificing for others means neglecting our own needs?

What if we feel we are better than others because we sacrifice so much?

What if there are MAJOR emotional wounds within, from stuff we never got but that we needed, and that's what we're avoiding?

How many of us look to the new info, whether it be spiritual or physical,  changing our beliefs and our actions while completely continuing the iniquity of ignoring our emotional selves?

How much of our busy-ness is to distract us from ourselves?

How long can we keep it going?

AT WHAT PRICE?

Snowy Sunrise

As winter shows off it's final beauty I am amazed at how much inner stuff in me is beginning to shift. I have a hunch the freedom to write will return soon...and with it the ability to focus and share freely about a good many things.

What's it like where you are?

Free Narcissism & Brain Circuit Video Resources by Dr Jim Wilder

(edited on 2/22/19: The original link I shared to Deeper Walk was incorrect. Also, the content is not free as I initially thought; it is avaialbe for 60 days with a donation of any amount to Deeper Walk. I have updated the link near the bottom of this post.)

This invitation came across my desk today and I raced over here to share it in case you're interested.  
What's going on with narcissism? If you're new here you might not know it's something I've been researching for several years.

Four videos by Dr Jim Wilder are available free for 60 days (with a donation). Titles are:

1) Narcissism and the bible

2) Narcissism and the brain

3) Relational brain circuits
4) Narcissism: the archenemy of grace

"Dr. Jim Wilder (Ph.D., Clinical Psychology, and M.A. Theology, Fuller Theological Seminary) has been training leaders and counselors for over 27 years on five continents. He is the author of multiple books with a strong focus on maturing and relationship skills for leaders. His coauthored book Living From the Heart Jesus Gave You has sold over 100,000 copies and is printed in eleven languages. Wilder has published numerous articles and developed four sets of video and relational leadership training called THRIVE. He is the founder and chief neurotheologian of Life Model Work, a nonprofit working at the intersection of brain science and theology that is building contagiously healthy Christian communities through equipping existing networks with the skills to thrive. Dr. Wilder has extensive counseling experience and has served as a guest lecturer at Fuller Seminary, Biola, Talbot Seminary, Point Loma University, Montreat College, Tyndale Seminary and elsewhere."

Donate any amount and access the content here.

If you're new to his books, you might like to start with this one.

I recently started a Facebook group for people going through the book...please feel free to join us!

Have you read any of his materials or attended training from Life Model Works? Share what you loved about it a comment below! We'd love to hear from you!

By law I have to tell you this post contains an affiliate link, which means if you decide to purchase the life changing book, Living from the Heart Jesus Gave You through the amazon links I share, amazon will give me a portion of the price you'll pay. You won't pay any extra. This helps me offset the costs involved with running the blog. You can read my full affiliate disclosure here.

Get a discount on Turbo Tax

If you plan on using Turbo Tax to complete your taxes, you can use this link to get 20% off!

Food for Thought: Are We Little Christs?

What does it mean to be a christian?  

Where does ROTC fit in?  

Are we believing Jesus or are we believing our own ideas?

Should there be a discrepancy?  

Enjoy this 10 minute podcast challenging us about our beliefs and ideas about christianity. 

How Can We Bear Fruit?

John 15 says a lot about bearing fruit.

What's the big deal about spiritual fruit?  What's true about intimacy?  What if we're focused completely on the wrong things and we don't even know it??? 

This message has been bubbling within me for more than twenty years.  

Join me as I share the beginning of my story in part 1, and then conclude with the second and final podcast in this two part series.  

Podcast length:  7 minutes 44 seconds

 To hear the surprising conclusion, listen to part 2:

$3

Podcast length:  4 minutes 46 seconds