Dr Wilder: The 5 Step Process of Growing Up + Webinar Links

In my journey to find truth about what it means to be a human being, I have gleaned SO much from this particular ministry!

I recently had the pleasure of attending a series of webinars which go into wonderful detail about what maturity is, how to assess our own levels and how to help someone else grow up.

In order for you to here them too, I spent some time creating this post just for you!   

Session 1  The Five Stages of Growing Up

Length: 1 hour 2 minutes

Click here to listen and gain an understanding of the five levels of maturity. Inso doing, you'll get equipped for the second webinar.

For a brief description of the maturity phases, click here to download the free pdf by Dr Wilder.  The material is taken from Dr Wilder's excellent book.

Living with Men combines both the latest science and the oldest wisdom for training the control center in a man's brain for relationships. Immature men create leadership, parenting and relational failures, leaving deep pain in children, couples, families, churches, communities and themselves.

Session 2  Assessing and Developing My Maturity

Length: 59 minutes

Click here to listen as Dr. Wilder helps us learn to assess and develop our maturity in this webinar.

Session 3   Helping Others Mature

Length: 1 hour 2 minutes

In this webinar, Dr. Jim Wilder gives a foundational understanding of what it means to help others mature. Use this link to access the recording if you'd like to watch/hear it. 

Want to know your JoyQ?  Take this free assessment to see!  Update it as your grow more joy strength!

As a bonus, here is a link to a free ebook explaining the 19 relational brain skills which can help us mature and thrive.  

Here are more materials you might like:

Joy is a banquet table to which we are all invited. The places are set, and the table is filled with the delightful aroma that satisfies our deepest longing for life-giving connections with God and with others. There is room at this table for everyone; young and old, weak or strong. So pull up a chair, we've been waiting for you! Jim Wilder, Ed Khouri, Chris Coursey, and Shelia Sutton guide us through the journey to joy. This is the real joy you've been seeking. The solutions and exercises in this book will teach you the essential skills needed to restore and grow joy with those around you. Join the beginning of a joyful revolution that can change your life, your community and the world. Get ready...Joy Starts Here.

Relational brain skills change our lives and transform our relationships. Learn the 19 critical relational skills needed for resilience, peace and joy in every family and community. The Bible and brain science combine to show us active solutions we ordinarily overlook for personal and corporate transformation. Transforming Fellowship tackles the central issue that is destroying the credibility of the Western Church. Our fellowship lacks the transforming power Jesus intended. Through Transforming Fellowship we each actively contribute part of Christ's character to one another. How we think, live and react changes at a basic brain level. Transforming Fellowship develops both deep love and relational skills. Transforming Fellowship is as deeply spiritual as it is practical.

The Life Model is a unifying approach to ministries of counseling, recovery, pastoral care, prayer ministry, deliverance, inner healing, child rearing, body life and health. Substance abuse recovery programs internationally are guided by the Life Model's five principles. Because the Life Model develops strong maturity, it is widely used as a church model, particularly where people must face suffering. Missions have adopted the Life Model for restoring hurt missionary children. Almost every major ministry dealing with trauma and abuse in the USA uses the Life Model as part of their teaching. This new version now includes study questions at the end of each chapter as well as many other bonuses. Written by James Friesen, E James Wilder, Anne Bierling, Rick Koepcke, and Maribeth Poole.

Biblical Marriage

As I study biblical marriage,  leaving and cleaving are a sequential necessity in order to walk properly in marriage.

What if a man has not left his parents emotionally, mentally, financially?

What if he is at infant level maturity yet had a wedding, got a marriage certificate and has a lady who has joined herself with him?

According to scripture the man is required to leave (emotionally, financially, mentally) HIS parents; the woman is not required to.   Pastor Mark Gungor does a great job explaining some truths about that.  You can find his stuff on YouTube.

What if the man hasn't left? 

Is he really then a husband?  Can he cleave?  Can they become one in the eyes of God?

The woman who thinks she is operating within the realm of a spiritual marriage (by spiritual I mean one that is in God's eyes an actually marriage) by making a vow doesn't necessarily mean she is in a marriage covenant with that man.  

If he never went through the processes of leaving his parents then it's likely they are not married in the spiritual legal sense.

Why does it matter?

I will go into that another time.  While you wait, check out this fantastic message from my old pastor Noel H.  

Counter Cultural Marriage
"Biblical marriage preaches the Gospel to our culture by modeling Jesus in a lifelong covenant between one man and one woman, characterized by sexual-exclusivity, complimentary servant roles, and the ongoing sacrifice of self."  ~Noel H.  

Growing Business at Home

As we tend to loving God, ourselves and others in that order, more and more of us are looking for ways we can meet our families needs in more ways than material. What about the emotional capital they require and the presence of fathers in their midst?  

Some of us have taken the leap back into pioneering again by having the Mother stay home and tend to life with children's education, etc.

                        

Others are hoping to add to that by figuring out how to bring industry back into the family world.  My friend Mrs F says the Amish consider very carefully each new thing which makes life "easier" making sure it will not elevate the men of all their work and necessitate them leaving home for a paycheck.

Others wouldn't dream of being at home and are grateful for work which meets all their material needs.  Each of us must consider the calling on our lives and work to fulfill it as best we can.

Our family is in this process.  I'm not sure if we will make it in our generation but I mean to try.  Not all families and couples are created with the same gifts and desires.  What works for one to bring in income doesn't necessarily work for another.

Do you work along with your family in some capacity?  What has worked for you?

           

I've included some affiliate links in case you like the same things I do. 

Entrepreneurs & Small Business

Have you got something you long to share with the world but aren't sure how?

I KNOW THE FEELING!

With an enormous amount of entrepreneurial energy and not a whole lot of competitive spirit (unless I know for sure I can win), I have spent much of my life looking for ways to get out there and do something with all this locked-up passion which burns and wriggles within me.

Isn't it easy?

Well that depends.  For some, they seem to hit the ground running, get into the groove and keep going until they keel over.  Money, success and prosperity are always within their reach as they believe they will have it and work hard for it.

Then there are some of us...who grew up with an impoverished spirit in more ways than one.  Our wiring is still to do great things that will impact society for the future in really great ways, but we can't get off the couch, out of the ditch our get beyond our day job to get a feel for what it is like to actually BENEFIT others on a big scale.

For some reason, I hold myself back constantly, terrified I will over commit myself and then let people down.  To help combat this and learn a bit in the hopes of maturing, I decided to spend some time focusing on growing ME first...before I grow my company or set out to equip employees for their careers.  I love helping people reach their goals; I just needed to figure out what mine are first!

I know of a company motto that's to help people reach their goals.  I love it!  I can think of all sorts of goals I have- large and small- that I want to reach.  I can also think of others who have goals and I itch to see those become a reality, too.

I have this word picture of entrepreneurs being a bit like visionaries...who can see things which don't yet exist and then partner with their own inner strength, tap into the flow and then release it outwardly to a waiting world.

If you can relate to this idea, you might like this series as I explore ideas, share failure stories and resources which have helped others get a bit of a handle on their own inner flow.  Stay tuned!!!

                               

In the meantime, check out some affiliate links. 

Ignoramus Confession: A Mental Stretch

Ignorance is NOT bliss.  It creates all sorts of miseries in life which in turn end up affecting a whole lot more than our clueless selves.  Ask me how I know.

I have observed within myself and christian circles a certain resistance to some principles, as though somehow those who discover them or explain them are heretics if they don't bow their knee to Jesus.  Or maybe they DO bow to Jesus and yet because what they're saying isn't broadly accepted by the elders it gets rejected.   

I don't mean to sound odd here...it just seems weird to me how ignorant I have been about a million things.  As I seek the God of Abraham for answers, He keeps leading me to cool and refreshing people, places and principles.  Are they always approved and agreed upon by the general christian population?  No.  Many christians follow their leaders rather than the Good Shepherd and adhere to the denominational protocol agreed upon by somebody else.  

This week I am beginning to learn about THIS.    It reminds me of something I have been pondering more than a decade.

Are we comfortable thinking on our own as christians or do we cling to the ways of our culture?  What if we were left to make decisions without the input of others?  Would we stand on the scriptures or would we allow our beliefs to gradually be shifted to those of our denomination?  It can happen to any of us!

I remember when Pastor Noel quoted somebody.  The idea went something like this:  the atheist who says the rain is wet is more christian than the christian who denies it's so.  That's likely a terrible paraphrase.

I remember sitting near the front row when he said it during his HATE PEOPLE series.  Guess who the haters are?  Can you guess?  Dare you guess?  Christians.

I have seen christians hate scientists who don't claim to follow Jesus.  Oh, maybe they don't hate them really; I don't know. I just have seen them deny with near mass hysteria the ideas and concepts searched out in the natural world.  I know there can be weird conflicts; I'm not talking about that!

For principle loving bible people, we know God reveals Himself in part through the world He made.  We can find hints of Him there!   I wonder how often the scientist, gifted by God to do such work, during his study has seen those whispers of God and then come to the bible christian and said, "Is this your God...the God of the bible?  I see this, and this and this..."  

Are there bible loving christians who can handle the scriptures well enough and know God's character enough to say, "You know...I think it might be!"  or to honestly answer, "I'm not sure."  Oh, how I long for those exchanges.  

How many times have we turned away the scientist or other ernest inquirers, rejecting instead their intelligence ignoring the fact that God has given to EVERY person a measure of faith?

The idea of it makes me sad.

Maybe we hate whatever we didn't think of.  Maybe we hate whatever we can't claim.  Maybe we reject whatever isn't taught to us on Sunday morning.  Maybe we weren't taught about True Truth.


The way I look at it?

I love God.  Jesus is already everything and there's no more of Him needed!  The Holy Spirit glorifies Jesus (who honors the Father) and teaches and shows me how to live the way God says I ought to AND He gives me the power to do it.  

In other words, the guy who built my Chevy doesn't have to love Jesus in order to understand physics principles in order to make an amazing vehicle for my family (who is learning to love God) to ride around in.  

Are the scientists ignorant of God and the christians ignorant of the natural stuff God built in?  I think sometimes it's so!

Intense?

I have struggled with a lot of things in my life.  One of them has been FEELING like it's okay to be ME.

One of things I am is intense.  That has caused more than a problem or two in my life.  

Here is a post to share just a few things which were really encouraging for me along the way.

1)  AB Blessing Intensity Free Download

2) MB's Kingdom Life Audio Library

3)  Many years ago I took this test in official settings.  I was very happy to find this free online version and found it matched well with what I had learned decades ago about myself.

4) DYT free online course

5) There is also some speculation out there that we have seven inner portions of our spirit portion and some of them are female while others male, meaning we each have a different smattering of such things.  Doesn't that make you go Hmmmm.....???

Pleasure Building with PolDark

As I've mentioned, I am working to unleash the hands of narcissism in my life as well as rebuild after decades of ramifications of dealing with RAD.  I am doing this by tending to the pleasure center in my brain.

Since I am a story lover, and especially those penned by artists from the UK, I am indulging these days in my new obsession: Poldark.  It is a series of novels written by Winston Graham set toward the end of the 1700's in Cornwall, England.

The characters are richly developed, the plot taking place at the same time my own country was in a bloody fight for her independence and the setting amidst a land which shares a similar environmental beauty to that where I have been raised.

The series created by the BBC Masterpiece extraordinary.

In addition to the novels, I am indulging in the current PBS Masterpiece Theatre series.  Having read the books and watched oodles of various video footage I am as taken as ever with the characters, acting and entirety of the story as well as the history and richness of the land and its people.

There is so much to learn and enjoy about Cornwall, England and it's history.  What the land holds for blessing is likely in part due to the two brothers who spent much time there in the mid 1700's.

     

Since the recent BBC series, tourism is up in Cornwall by 70%.

Watch here as Rick Steve's Visits Cornwall

      

                                    

This post contains affiliate links.  

                

Being Weak

Some of us were reared in an environment where being weak and having weakness was shamed.  In those places, it's hard to understand what it is to be a human....rather the idea is passed on how to barely survive, never dream of thriving, and pretend there's meaning in the midst of such constant turmoil.

The lessons taught can sound like, "People who are stronger than me will exploit me if I don't keep on my guard.  I need to increase my strengths in order to succeed in besting them before they best me."  There can be a layer of friendliness which is not very genuine as it's hard to be glad to be together when you feel threatened.  I hear it activates the part of our brain which produces responses we can thank for keeping us alive during stressful events.  From what I understand, it doesn't sound like staying in that frame of "protect self" should be on and running all the time.  We need to know we're loved, cared for, safe and that our weaknesses are nothing to be ashamed of.

The saddest part I have seen of this is when a mother shows her female daughters how to maneuver through the world of men.  In some cases, it comes across a bit like this:  use your feminine powers (strength) to give what you can to the males so they will then in turn give you their strength (attention, help, money, etc).

As I face sharing stories of those around me who are dealing with various ramifications of being afraid to allow weakness to be exposed, I long to ensure my own strengths are used in appropriate ways.  This is really important to me for all sorts of reasons.

This weekend I mumbled something to my husband about it. He knew right away what I was talking about-which in and of itself felt like a great big hug and gift (ahhhhhh....the relief of being understood!!).  He remembered hearing Dr Wilder talk about it in one of the audio sessions and set about to find it for me.

This Monday morning while children ate breakfast and worked on their chores, I grabbed a few minutes to listen to the mp3.   As I ponder how it fits in with the enormity of everything else I am learning, I realize the gentle protector skills- to recognize our weakness but protect others from our own strength when needed- are so important.  

If you're looking for language about what's gone on in your world, or you wonder what on earth has happened in the seemingly sorry world of someone you're working with, I think Dr Wilder gives really helpful language to what's dumbly struggling within some of us who have not had anyone explain it quite like this.

Click here to order the download from Life Model Works

Series Update

I am busy working on more podcasts discussing narcissism.  There is much to record, then edits must be done, uploading it to the hosting company and then building links from here to there.  Too it seems the more I share the more there is to share.  There are 43 principles I have worked out so far...at least I think they're principles.  Still have to run a lot of it past hubby to see if I'm barking up the right tree.

The 2nd episode, which I published yesterday, covers one principle.  The 3rd podcast covering what narcissists need most may very well take hours to cover properly.  I thought I would have this done more quickly but am finding there is SO much to say...

Basically, I believe there's hope for the narcissist.  

For those who are in pain because of a narcissist, I've been there.  

I know God knows the way and can show us how to walk.

He led us to this stuff, which I mention in the series....

Do you like this series?  Is what I share valuable to you?  I love hearing such reports!

26 Questions To End Procrastination Once & For All

Are you working to change something big in your life?  Need ideas?  I have created for you a buffet & smorgasbord and share links to things I highly recommend and have gleaned much from.  In order to post them for you the law says I have to tell you this.  

Is it tough for you to get stuff done? 

              

Here are 26 questions to narrow down why you might procrastinate:

1.   Do you lack vision?  Fixing that is a vital priority, for without one we waste everything.

2.   Do you lack confidence?  It comes from doing things.

3.   Can you do hard, mundane and boring things or do you avoid them?

4.   Do you lack knowledge, empathy or skills?

5.   Are you stuck in shame?

6.   Are you afraid of people?

7.   Do you suffer from low self esteem?  

8.   Did you grow up in an environment where much was accomplished yet you're not sure what to DO in order to reach your own goals?

9.    Do you know HOW to reach your goals?

10.  Do you know how you're specifically wired or are you fighting your design?  For lots of us,      learning about it is helping us make lots of needed changes.  You might like this video from my friend Arthur Burk who talks about design.  You can get the whole series here.

                                                       Arthur Burk: Introduction to the Redemptive Gifts of Individuals Seminar

11.   Do you need to learn principles in order to tackle what you were put here to do? 

12.   Do you lack technical understanding?  There's a lot to be had for those who take the time to learn it.

13.   Do you know where to start?   Do you know what to do next?

14.   Are you super creative?  Sometimes THIS affects things.

15.   Are you doing the wrong things over and over? Ignorance of principles seems to elbow itself to the front of the line as one of the major culprits.   Ignorance is NOT bliss!  I have a fantastic post about that to share later if I ever get it edited.  I hate editing.  (See #3 above)

16.   What can you do to STOP getting stuck in the ruts when you want to get moving in a direction which more reflects outwardly what's going on within you (the good stuff...not the chaos!)???

                         

17.  Were there fathering gaps in your life?  That can play a big part, too!  HUGE.

18.   Was your mum a bit lacking in helping you believe in yourself?

19.   Are you a bit low on being able to feel your own feelings?

20.  Do you have a habit of speaking curses against your progress?  We reap what we sow.  Think about sowing differently in order to reap what you want!

21.   Do you love to give but have a hard time receiving?

22.   Do you have SO many ideas, projects and such your head is spinning and you hardly know up from down or night from day?

23.   Do you feel immature??

24.   Are you terrified of failing???

25.  Are you gifted intellectually?

I CAN RELATE to each of these!  *sigh*  I struggled with all of this and more while potential swirled and stirred within me for freedom and expression.  I remember being irritated by a popular slogan which once taunted me with the simplicity which I often seemed unable to grasp.

ALL THESE THINGS CAN PLAY A PART working inwardly to cause the lack of productivity (aka procrastination) on the outside.   

            

These blog posts from a friend are a great place to start pinpointing your problem areas.  

He also shares some great ideas in these videos.

26.  Beyond the materials available here, do you want someone to troubleshoot with you? 

I love to help men and women find their vision and blast away what hinders them so they can get going on their way in life.  Others have.  Try me.