Getaway

This past weekend our family of eight spent a wonderful time in a beautiful home with 2 very awesome, loving people.  The getaway was great for lots of reasons, one being I was recovering from a tooth infection.  Too, being on that land which is so rich physically as well as spiritually allowed me to feel and deal with some stuff I have long avoided.  

As I felt my way through the emotional mire, hubby and I had a chance to tuck away for a couple of really nice chats.  While he took breaks from the extroverted interaction, he read.  Among other things, I admire his tenacity to get to the root of these inner problems we both face so we can adjust and get ourselves (and our children) to a good place.   Spirit, mind and body has been our focus over the past decade as we seek to learn true principles and apply them to our lives.  Now the emotions take front stage.

I’m so glad for people like our weekend hosts who expressed God’s love even though we lack in some pretty big ways.  It was so refreshing to receive grace I didn’t have to work for.  I also loved seeing my children feel free to enjoy themselves even though they aren’t perfect.   

I admit the emotional stuff has been really hard for me to grasp as there are so many factors involved.  Learning what happened (in childhood) which harmed and also what didn’t occur but which needed to has been nearly a decade-long discovery process.  Some days we’re worn out; tired from carrying all the responsibilities of adult life when we feel more than a tiny bit ill-equipped.  

I relish reminders from the One who leads us.  He whispers: He is proud and pleased; not worried about what we lack; has wrapped Himself around and within us and holds us together as a family, caring for each of us and all of us simultaneously.

The time away with blessed people spoke deeply to me as I received that amazing grace, which I needed badly!  

Sometimes hubby and I feel upset when we realize we both lack information for important things.  ”My folder is empty on that subject,” we often express to each other in frustration.  Even worse is when the folder is altogether missing!!   It is embarrassing and awkward as we look around wondering what other vital information we’re missing.  

Last evening we returned from visiting our friends three hours away, unloaded the Suburban and got the children to bed.  During our late, quiet supper he mentioned he wanted to sit down together and look at the book.  I did not realize he meant right away and promptly ignored his suggestion which soon after created a huge rift.   

For the last 18 years of marriage we’ve never known how to handle this particular type of upset.   Now having gained a bit of skill, we waded clumsily through the frigid, turbulent waters and managed to re-connect emotionally and stay relational.  

WHAT A VICTORY!!  

After all these years of tucking ourselves away, stripped naked before the LORD and letting Him heal, teach and lead us, we could admit our flaws and weaknesses to each other.  

The raw vulnerability felt outrageous and yet right.  Things used to escalate into days of not speaking.  

Though we don't always have the words now, at least we can muddle through!

After we established we both wanted to work through the trouble rather than stay at odds, he asked me the most astonishing thing.  I’m embarrassed to write it!   “Are you a snob?”  

“What?????”   I said as I wrenched my face into a puzzled look while silently pondering.  Then I admitted, “I sure can be.” He looked at me with sadness in his face and said, “You don’t like yourself.” 

I began to weep.  “How do you know that? I whispered weakly through blubbering sobs.  “Is it from that book you’re reading?”  

I marveled at how he can know so much after so long of not knowing anything about what goes on in the emotionally immature.

I spent last night contemplating the concept of not liking myself and awoke to finally begin reading it.  I am now stumbling onto some really helpful things as a result.  It’s still a deplorable idea that some of us don’t like ourselves and I will be taking things real slow as I ingest and process this new info; I bet it’s why my friend Arthur keeps telling me to stop trying to get my legitimacy from him.  DUH!!!  I didn’t know I was doing it or how to stop! 

Embarrassing!!!! 

Hubby began last 'eve to explain to me why it happens. I was worn out from the kerfuffle and fell asleep without really getting a clear understanding.  Maybe someday I'll catch up to him.  He has already listened to the book at least four times since getting it on audible last month.  

As he has shares tidbits during quiet moments when we can steal away time to sit on the sunny deck which bursts with colorful summer flowers in bloom, I am stunned by how much his input gives me insight and hope as to why I struggle deeply in certain areas.  When I listen to my husband's heart I get understanding and hope swells for all of us out here who flounder feeling alone. I renew faith that God has good news and answers for the emotional orphans of this world.

Side note:  After a month of working on developing the skills she talks about here, I am convinced I will get to adult maturity some day.  :)  I really like her print-offs as well as the 16 pages of emotional word definitions.

Taking care of our own emotions is one of the keys to loving God well with all our heart, soul, mind and strength. It’s not a pretty process.  It takes a lot of grit to keep looking at the sad truth.  It would be easier to just get on with stuff, getting back into the swing of things as we approach a new week after an amazing weekend of being loved on.  

I think I am coming unravelled along the road less traveled.  I have a hunch eventually it will make all the difference.

You can listen to an audio sample and order the book here:

Please click here to read my official affiliate disclosure.

Kate's Picks: Dress Your Truth Type 3 Summer Fashion for XL+

In this series, I share my journey to walk as God's woman on the earth.

In order to dress in a way that expresses who I am, I learned a lot from one woman in particular.

Her free online course helped me beyond what I had ever hoped: to accept the specifics of my unique femininity. I am happy to report since going through her course I am beginning to celebrate being a curvy woman!  It feels nice to be free from the fear of being seen (among so many other things!) You can take a peek and sign up for her free online course by clicking here.

Also, as an ambivert mother of many with lots of forceful energy, I often dread shopping in public.   While having a blast shopping online for myself this week,  I decided to share with you some of the neat summer styles I found and hope you will like them, too.

Click any image below, select your size and color (where applicable) and have it shipped right to your door.

See my official affiliate disclosure here.

Check out my favorite summer footwear HERE!

To complete the Type 3 summer look:

For super summer slumber:

I would love to hear what you think! Share your comments and let me know what YOU like!

~Kate M.

Expressing Our Design Through Clothing

What to wear?

Being a daughter of the Most High, I often ponder the issue of beauty.  I like thinking about how men are the glory of God and women are the glory of men.

How to express that through dressing myself has been something I have pondered many decades.  It has been an extraordinary struggle for me to stretch my thinking beyond believing I was stupid, fat and ugly.  It's been a process I have wrestled with nearly all my life.

Learning more about the way God designed us has been really fun, as there are so many great tools out there these days to help us figure things out.  For example, I discovered I am an artist.  I love to see things all around me which show off the intricate and detailed, color-loving God who knit me in His image.  It is becoming a joy to understand how to celebrate this extravagance in the simple and humble work of being clothed.

I hope to soon begin to release a series of posts on fashion and beauty in order to build up and equip God's people.  Stay tuned.  :)

Introducing A New Podcast Series

Living life a life of faith with the line erased between the sacred and secular is a passion I am honored to talk about in this this new series.   To hear three podcast episodes, GO HERE.   

EFL is now a Reconstruction Zone

To honor what I feel is the LORD's leadership, I am working to reconstruct Exuberant for Life (EFL).  I am very excited (and a bit nervous!) about the changes.  

Please stay tuned for the next phase!!

You will see things changing as some content is removed while new stuff is added.  Some posts will be temporarily unavailable, as I work on re-coding, re-designing and getting ready to launch the new products and other stuff.  

In the mean time, you're welcome to subscribe and follow this site by email.  Too, I'd love to hear from you!  Leave comments below.  

~Kate M.

Coaching Update and Changes

I am sorry for those of you who have tried to use a payment button somewhere here.  Somehow I had messed up the HTML coding and none of the buttons were working! 

Thanks to the friendly man at Paypal today I was able to troubleshoot the problem and reload the Coaching button.

I have updated my coaching availability also, so please check it out!

I am no longer offering coaching subscriptions by online payment.  Instead you can just pay per month for whichever coaching session works for you.  You should be able to use Paypal now for bank card purchases.  Thank you so much for your patience and encouragement as I seek to equip the saints for the work of the ministry.

~Kate M.

Overhaul

Hello there!

It's time to make some changes here at EFL.  

Thanks to invaluable feedback from Mrs. F,  today I will begin working to update the format, taking all the personal update stuff and plopping it someplace special. 

I will be giving EFL a face lift and changing the way things flow.

I so appreciate your patience as I build this from what bubbles within.  Please stay "tuned."

Kate

Honesty in Pockets

This weekend I hit a strange patch. 

It was HARD.

I realized and found words for something I have long known but could not utter.

"I AM SCARED."

Of what, or of whom?

Well, without giving you all the details, I was scared for a good reason.  I mean, it wasn't good what happened, but it DID happen and being scared is the way God has wired the brain to respond in that sort of situation.

So...after nearly 45 years, I can finally say, "I AM SCARED OF...."

How simple and absolutely profound this is to me.  I think those in my life closest to me probably knew I was scared of...but somehow in all the years, "You are scared of...," never happened until this weekend.

It's weird to be an adult who rarely experienced someone attuning to me.  My feelings were mostly ignored, inconvenient and a downright bother.  It has taken me THIS long to find them, hear them, FEEL them and then get a clue about what they're called.  It's very slow going and completely awkward.

It's supposed to happen in early childhood before pushing through those elementary school doors.

God has wired our brains to feel and to name it for ourselves by the time we're four years old.  With two sweet toddlers to experiment on, I can say it's very possible, but only IF we have a happy helper going along with us in life who is paying attention enough to recognize what we are feeling and then name it.

I remember squirming when I first read the term, "Adult Infant."  Oh, no!!  Drooling on ourselves was the joke...we knew we were messed up but didn't know what was wrong.  Not having a clue how to feel, name or manage our own emotions caused a lot of ...well...embarrassing moments to say the least.

I marvel that I am still without that particular kind of human helper (aside from maybe these inner parts?).  Sometimes it feels lonely to have to work on it with God alone.  *sigh*  He meant for me to have a happy human helper. He meant for all of us to have that.

I pause now to worship Him who helps us when our human helpers do not.

Sweet moments

This happened last week:

Me (while reaching out toward Samuel who'd been working a while on getting his two shirt buttons to cooperate):

"I see you struggling with the top button on your shirt. I have trouble sometimes with my buttons, too. Want me to help?  I'd like to."

Samuel (continuing to focus intently on his work):  "I wemembered you said big boiys can do hawd sings."

He's four. 

I'm forty three.

I grasped him and cried on his neck a little...all while he kept working til he got it.

What a mystery and wonder it is to follow the Holy Spirit on this journey of motherhood when I feel like an abyss of nothing so much of the time.  A.Ma.Zing.  

Wives Got Distance? Part One

Feeling emotionally far away from our husbands is face it...NOT fun.

It can be demoralizing, especially as Christian women, to know we're the helpmeet and yet feel so far away from doing whatever it is we need to.

Respect our husbands....submit ourselves to them...okay great. But HOW?

In reality, there are a whole lot of us who didn't see that modeled growing up.  No offense to anyone who came before us; if they didn't have the information (having it modeled to them) then it makes sense they didn't have it to show us.

A lot of our moms were BUSY and emotionally not able to build into their marriages. Lots of our dads and granddads were taken out of the family...either by divorce, death or ideas that they weren't emotionally needed.

Or maybe feminisims' fingers crept into the family line, strangling until God's intended life is all but squeezed out.

The whole art of respecting men has been sort of lost in our culture.  I understand the concept of respect being earned...but giving it is really important as a way of extending basic human dignity.   I think a man deservers respect because He is made in God's image and God deserves our respect.  The God part of every man needs respect.

The reality of the frailty of mankind is worth noting at this point. Not every man or woman has walked as God intended. We have all fallen short of the glory of God.  Many of us have the marriages to prove it.

How can we, God's women, grafted into the family of God by the blood of our Lord Jesus, honor Him as wives to imperfect men?

It's a challenge I put before you today...because I think our culture is completely desperate, and depends on our men being the Life Givers God created them to be.

Take a look at this video to see what I mean.

Women are altruistic. At least more so than men. They will do for others.  Men? Not so much. They are born different, set on taking care of number one. They have to be taught, through extraordinary and extreme measures, HOW to care for someone other than themselves. Being a life giver as a male is something that must be learned.  A good upbringing allows these skills to be developed through appropriate, useful hardship.

Women need men to help care for the life they carry. The man's sperm is what carries life into our potential...and we need their help to care for the life we love to bring into the world. We steward the life and we need their help to do it.   I am convinced life originates with the very masculinity of men.

Often we are turned off because we experienced (or someone in our generations passed down the burden/memory/pain/abuse/fear etc) the damage when a man is not life giving.  Those moments are memorable and unfortunately can cause a rupture in the trust we are created to have.  Hopeful daughters is the hope of society.

I know there's a lot wrong going on out there and in our families and homes, churches and businesses.  

Let's be honest ladies.  There is also a lot wrong going on within us.

We sometimes don't know how to feel; we have a hard time trusting. We blame and accuse and do the opposite of respect.

We aren't always worthy of being cherished yet we long for it and sometimes demand it.

Let's be real here.

It's time to resuscitate God's ways for marriage...and it' possible even within this ungodly culture.

A New Thing

Part of what I've been working on, as some of you know, is trying to figure out how to get audio up and running.  I figured it would work, but to no avail.

Wednesday, Michelle and I recorded our first ever video...and I spent all that evening and the entire next day editing it and getting it ready to share.  I am VERY excited...and hope you will like it.  It's really for a very specific audience.  It is the 3 part introduction to the series on narcissism.

Turns out writing a book isn't as easy as nattering away on camera.  Who knew???  I certainly did not.

I have finished uploading it to my newly built EFL youtube channel and eagerly await it's emergence into cyberspace.  Once I get the inner nudge to release it publicly, I will share it.

I will celebrate tonight, in some quiet way.

This is all so new and exciting....my first ever Exuberant for Life Productions Presentation!!!

I sure hope you'll like it.  

:)

Another New Beginning

After some physical, mental and emotional struggles last week, I felt nudged to begin asking God for an overhaul in my inner world.  My mind needs major renewing in order to accept who I really am...and in order to walk out what God has next for me.  

I have spent such a long time pinched in by circumstances I could NOT control, learning how to live life leveraging everything I could get my hands on so to speak.  What I've been doing/thinking has been fine...but I can tell I really need to position myself to think completely different than I have been about me, my future, possibilities, using my gifts and talents, etc.

I wondered what it would look like if I ever got to this point.  I'm not sure yet because I cannot yet feel/see/sense it, but have a very clear idea that I need God to give me vision and purpose for the next season of my life.  I am pretty sure He's given me the "good and faithful servant - well done!" sticker on the season I am nearly done with.

It's exciting.  At the same time I feel pretty worn out.  I am blessed to be able to spend some time soon just pampering myself- away from the hustle and bustle of everyday life.  I really NEED a break and God has rigged it so I can take one.  I have a hunch He will be nudging me more often.

I have the idea this break will be to rest and re-callibrate...to let Him pour into me a new vision, understanding and perspective of where I am and where I'm headed.  I have some lofty ideas which will need to be wrestled back into their proper places...

I need a time of surrendering again everything I am and have to Him.  I feel like nearly two decades of excruciating labor are over...and I don't really have any idea what's next but I know it's going to be very different in possibly every way (I wasn't going to add "possibly" but then my fingers snuck it in at the request of my tempted-to-limit-myself brain.)

Anyway, I figured I'm not only one who could use some comprehensive good news.  I nearly called this website Compressive Connections rather than Exuberant for Life.  Soo...Dr. Caroline's Leaf good news today really started to water my dry places this morning as I dozed in a later than usual.

I really hope you enjoy this...it's phenomenal on so many levels.  I am honored to be co-heirs with you and her.  Christ's inheritance is ours and I am coming into agreement with everything that means for me.  Period.

Blessings as you walk out wherever you are on your life's journey.